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We are the Champions.

May 20th, 2012 by

Die Meister, Die Besten, Les grandes équipes, The Chelsea.

還記得好幾年前, 我的手機鈴聲是歐冠主題曲. Ils sont les meilleures, Sie sind die Besten, These are the champions, Die Meister, Die Besten, Les grandes équipes, The champions. 讓人熱血沸騰的音樂, 我們追求的聖杯.

直到 2009 年五月六日, 當獸巴喊出 Fucking Disgrace, 我也怒火中燒地刪掉了我的手機鈴聲.

本賽季因為雜事纏身, 比賽沒有場場都看. 球隊風波不平, 更讓我不想接觸. 跌跌撞撞地沒想到走到了歐冠決賽, 情勢卻又是如此不利, 已經早早準備好迎接再次心碎了. 開賽哨聲吹響, 我雙手緊握只希望我們能撐住前十五分鐘不被進球. 時間緩緩前進, 雖然拜仁看似來勢洶洶, 但我們緊密的防守, 加上拜仁自己不斷放槍, 我也漸漸不那麼緊張. 直到比賽第八十三分鐘, 我剛好因為沙發旁邊疑似有蟑螂而分神, 心裡一邊抱怨室友都不倒垃圾一邊想著我要把廚房垃圾桶搬到他門口去, 結果就被進了! 這讓我更氣我室友! 然而, 雖然主播都在說大勢已定, 拜仁的球員跟球迷也都差不多準備好在慶祝了, 我心中卻完全沒有絕望感. 不知為何, 我就是知道還有希望, 我們會扳平比分. 結果, 第八十八分鐘, 獸巴做到了. 我在電視前面又叫又跳, 這就是切爾西啊!!!

進入延長賽沒多久, 拜仁就拿到一個點球, 我心裡想著的是 2010 年的 FA Cup final. 我總覺得撲到點球不僅會大大提升士氣, 打擊隊方信心, 更是運勢的指標. 但我還是不敢奢望, 畢竟切赫不是撲點球出名的. 別說 Schweinsteiger 不敢看了, 我也不太敢看啊. 結果, 切赫擋下了點球, 後方的切爾西球迷的狂喜, 我看到我們在往勝利前進.

三十分鐘一下就過去了, 2008 年五月那個令人心碎的下午(還得回去上班)又重現在眼前, 主播們的冷言冷語也讓我很想砸電視, Neuer 的高大身軀以及堅定的神情(我還是很喜歡你雖然你拋棄Schalke 04)讓人覺得希望渺茫, 好死不死還是在拜仁球迷這邊進行點球大戰. 但是當 Olic 的點球被撲出 (Olic 我就知道可以靠你:D), 遠方切爾西球迷傳來的歡呼深深地撼動了我, Ashley Cole 進球後神色鎮定地拍著胸口的隊徽差點讓我飆淚, This is Chelsea. Schweinsteiger 無顏見鄉東父老, 這時獸巴走向球門, 說真的, 這劇本寫得實在太環環相扣太精彩. 獸巴出腳, Neuer 緩緩朝另一個方向倒下, 球場爆出的歡呼不像只有客場球迷能發出的音量, 這是累積了多少年的等待, 一切都像在慢動作下發生, 又像在快轉, 我不敢眨眼生怕錯過任何一個畫面.

Die Meister, Die Besten, Les grandes équipes, The Chelsea.
這個簽名檔不再是我們永遠在追求的夢想, 它已經實現.

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May 6th, 2012 by

you give too little

and that alone is killing you

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Friends with Kids

Mar 12th, 2012 by

Today, after three failed attempt of having lunch or dinner with friends, it came to me that I am now at a age when friends disappear. We are either engross with our jobs, or busy with building a family, bringing up offspring. Things that we do before, concerts, theatre, wine tasting (or weekend drinking party at a vacation rental), road trips, Vegas, etc etc, suddenly get marked as low priority. Even with those who are not burdened (I mean blessed) with a family, things that we used to enjoy so much has become one of those been-there-done-that.

And I saw a clip of this new Jon Hamm movie, Friends with Kids. I was like “oh my god, this is what I’m going through.”

Look at my mom, who’s in her 50s. Now her friends starts to come back. High school BFFs, college pals. Some of them retired, some of them at a place where moving upward is no longer a priority, or option. With kids going on their own ways, like me, 6500 miles away, they once again found each other.

Am I going to have to wait for another 20 (ugh, I mean 30) years to get my friends back?

Continue Reading »

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Who we are.

Mar 7th, 2012 by

If I am who I am because I am who I am, and you are who you are because you are who you are, then I am who I am and you are who you are. But if I am who I am because you are who you are, and you are who you ate because I am who I am, then I am not who I am and you are not who you are.

I’m afraid I’m who I am because you are who you are, but you are who you are because you are who you are. I am not happy when I’m not who I am, but I’m not happy when you’re not happy, which is when I am too much of who I am. But I’m glad you steered the conversation away when I said this is not going to work.

Posted in Life, Theatre, Write | No Comments »

Feb 23rd, 2012 by

sometimes, I’d rather get your fake laugh and pleasantness that everyone else, including those you hate, gets.

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Feb 21st, 2012 by

today. spiked estrogen
since this morning. slicing headache in frontal lobe
4pm. pain killer
4:25. headache pushed to temporal lobe

please stop.

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v day

Feb 16th, 2012 by

(After a big fight)
Rachel: I’m glad we kissed and made up.
Finn: Yeah, me too.
Rachel: After all, it IS the Valentine’s day.

So stupid.

We should always be glad for making up with loved ones, Valentine’s day or not. After all, you really don’t know if it’d be the last time you’re with each other.

However, I also despise those who use “everyday is valentine’s day” as an excuse to avoid showing any appreciation on Valentine’s day, but still take the other person for granted every single day.

It doesn’t take much.
Small gestures can show that you pay attention and you care.
An unexpected Jamba Juice can make my day (that is until customers ruin it ;))

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2011: Movies I watched

Jan 4th, 2012 by

re-watched
9
The Rock
Source Code
The Big Lebowski
The Painted Veil
Hot Fuzz
Once
The Guard
Casablanca

8
Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol
Enchanted April
I Am Number Four
True Grit
Maverick
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The Adjustment Bureau
Thor
Everybody’s Fine
Bright Star
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Primer
Hanna
The Help
The Queen
Barney’s Version
The Debt
Layer Cake

7
St Trinian’s II: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold
The 39 Steps
Cheri
African Cats
X-Men: First Class
Super 8
Midnight in Paris
Beginners
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Brothers Bloom
Moneyball
Our Idiot Brother
Horrible Bosses
Drive

6
Con Air
Judge Dredd
Limitless
Priest
The Truth About Love
Men in Black II

5
Jane Eyre (2011)

Posted in Annual, Movie | No Comments »

2011: Books I read

Jan 4th, 2012 by

New Ones:
2. Mistborn: The Final Empire – Brandon Sanderson | Jan 13, 2011
3. 女系家族 上 – 山崎豐子 | Jan 26, 2011
4. A Certain Justice – P. D. James | Feb 4, 2011
5. 兩面人- 閻立宏 | Feb 11, 2011
6. 質數的孤獨 – 保羅．裘唐諾 (La solitudine dei numeri primi – Paolo Giordano) | Feb 14, 2011
7. 當男人說一見鍾情- 夏佩爾 | Feb 16, 2011
8. 那簡直不能叫做愛 – 草莓圖騰 | Feb 19, 2011
10. 聶魯達的信差 – Antonio Skármeta (El cartero de Neruda) | Feb 22, 2011
11. 巴爾札克與小裁縫 – 戴思杰 (Balzac et la Petite Tailleuse chinoise) | Mar 2, 2011
12. 天使之耳 – 東野 圭吾 | Mar 13, 2011
13. Fiddle Game – Richard A. Thompson | Mar 20, 2011
15. Elantris – Brandon Sanderson | May 5, 2011
19. A Drop of the Hard Stuff – Lawrence Block | May 20, 2011
20. 色戒 – 張愛玲 (Lust, Caution) | May 23, 2011
21. Keller in Dallas – Lawrence Block
22. 雷峰塔 – 張愛玲 | Jun 5, 2011
23. A Woman of No Importance – Oscar Wilde
24. An Ideal Husband – Oscar Wilde | Jun 5, 2011
25. 因為遇見你 – 喜多川泰 | Jul 2, 2011
26. This Perfect Day – Ira Levin | Jul 28, 2011
27. 一切終將遠去 – 山本文緒 | Oct 4, 2011
28. The Night and The Music – Lawrence Block | Oct 27, 2011
29. 錦繡 – 宮本輝 | Oct 29, 2011
30. 告白 – 湊佳苗 | Oct 31, 2011
31. 唐草人偶 – 梨木香步 | Nov 11, 2011
32. 私家偵探 – 紀蔚然 | Nov 16, 2011
33. 再見，總有一天 – 辻仁成 | Nov 21, 2011
34. 只是說說而已 – 絲山秋子 | Nov 21, 2011
35. 我的江湖　誰的天下 – 嬌無那 | Nov 24, 2011
36. 沒有觀眾的舞台 – 蔡文甫 | Dec 1, 2011
37. The Baker Street Letters – Michael Robertson | Dec 6, 2011
38. 隱祕盛開 – 蔣韻 | Dec 8, 2011
39. 上世紀的愛情 – 蔣韻 | Dec 15, 2011
40. 失傳的遊戲 – 蔣韻 | Dec 18, 2011
41. 炒魷魚株式會社 – 垣根涼介 | Dec 20, 2011
42. 台北卡農 – 宇文正 | Dec 21, 2011
43. 醜聞 – 遠藤周作 | Dec 23, 2011
44. Love You More (A Detective D. D. Warren Novel) – Lisa Gardner | Dec 26, 2011
45. 結婚十年 – 蘇青 | Dec 26, 2011
46. 天國之湯 – 松田美智子 | Dec 26, 2011
47. 一絃琴 – 宮尾登美子 | Dec 29, 2011
48. 盡頭的回憶 – 吉本芭娜娜 | Dec 29, 2011

Re-reads:
1. Black Tower – P.D. James (re-read) | Jan 6, 2011
9. the Scarlet Pimpernel – Baroness Orczy (re-read) | Feb 20, 2011
14. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte (re-read) | Apr 26, 2011
16. 靈劍 (卷一) 聖火神教 – 鄭丰 (陳宇慧) (re-read)
17. 靈劍 (卷二) 虎嘯龍翔 – 鄭丰 (陳宇慧)
18. 靈劍 (卷三) 神劍之泣 – 鄭丰 (陳宇慧) | May 12, 2011

Posted in Annual, Readaholic | No Comments »

New year’s eve

Jan 1st, 2012 by

We had wine, snacks, and fizzy pine tree. We watched Boston Legal and waited for the end of 2011. Two minutes before counting down, I put on Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together; we held each other and swayed, but no we didn’t dance. You’d never admit to that. We counted down to time.gov because if you’re doing it, you’ll have to do it accurately. I attempted to argue, but you said it’s not the time for philosophy. We counted down to the clock, said happy new year to each other, and we kissed. It’s a gentle, loving, long and appreciative kiss. We drank to each other, first clink of 2012, first sip of 2012.

Back on the couch, my arms around you neck and shoulder, “this is my best new year’s eve so far.” “Mine, too.”

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failing

Dec 25th, 2011 by

react too fast, think too far ahead, expect too much; doomed to be disappointed.

Posted in I | 2 Comments »

一個人

Dec 25th, 2011 by

開著暖氣, 電視轉到cable附的音樂頻道 Stage & Screen, 放的是電視電視配樂或是音樂劇的曲目, 窩在一躺就陷下去的沙發上看書. 聽到覺得好聽的就抬起頭看一下, 結果是 Alexandre Desplat, 真是很喜歡他的配樂啊…

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simple happiness

Dec 25th, 2011 by

雖然 chun 的神秘事件讓我們晚了一小時才出發, 但她很有義氣地請我們吃了Santa Ramen, 我們還趁在等位子時跑去對面的日本超市買零食. 我很節制地只買了三樣, 但還是花掉快$9 @_@ 歡樂地吃了拉麵又吃了奶茶巧克力當甜點, 浩浩蕩蕩前往舊金山. 停好車, 買好電影票, 在溫暖的 Bloomingdale 打發了一個多小時, 又聞了一次 Calyx, 還灑了點再手上, 但仍下不了決心. 跟著chun 去逛靴子, 想到我找雙黑色長靴已經找了三年了. 看到一雙麂皮還蠻喜歡, 但要 $365, 便被紛紛勸退了. 改天去 Valley Fair 玩耍好了. MI 4 很好看, 節奏緊湊, 我很喜歡其中幾個動作場景的點子. chun 說太假了, 但他就是 Mission Impossible 嘛. 看完電影前往 Union Square 觀賞聖誕樹, 回到南灣時也差不多肚子餓了就跟安主去吃貴鬆鬆但好吃的不得了的 Nami Nami, 就算是聖誕大餐吧. 真是開心的一天.

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Luxury vs. Necessity

Dec 20th, 2011 by

Do you want to be a luxury in life or a necessity?

Posted in Think | 2 Comments »

Bubble

Nov 21st, 2011 by

就讓他唱他的獨角戲去吧.
不想當壞人, 又不想被誤認為弱者.
態度搖移因為不確定該如何定位自己.

有時覺得自己根本完全被看透了,
有時又想情況沒有自己想像得那麼糟,
更確切的是, 根本就沒有人像自己這樣關心枝微末節的定義吧.
對大部份的人而言, 早早就進展到下一章了不是嗎?

其實已經進行到下一本書了呢?
卻有著回頭翻弄的習慣.
一本早已讓你厭倦的書, 扔得不知所蹤,
卻時不時有些懊悔沒有至少翻到結局.

所謂未知的誘惑, 連美好都稱不上.
在洗去過期洗髮精空瓶 (連過期與否都是以當時發生的事件連結判斷)
不經意地製造了滿盆泡泡,
雖不致誇張地說激起了縱身而入的衝動,
但是著實喚起了溫熱安心, 知道自己身在何處的簡單幸福… 的記憶.

百思不解, 何復僅存記憶?

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Osmanthus

Nov 1st, 2011 by

I sneaked into bed,
with the help of dim, yellow beams of street lamps filtered through the blinds.
I felt my way to your arms, put my icy cold fingers on;
you shivered, and moaned in comfort.
It was a warm October night.

With my eyes closed, edging my head towards you
until our skin gently touched.

I smelled Osmanthus.

There was no actual scent present, rather,
it was a piece of memory somehow linked to the lush, yet innocent fragrance.
The brain perceived no difference.

I saw the vastness of green, with hints of clear blue sky through the cracks.
I could barely keep my eyes open, for vivid sunlight proclaiming summertime.
And then I saw the delicate, tiny flowers that are so easily to be ignored,
and the sweet scent that invites, not just invites, but allures and hypnotizes.

I kept my eyes shut, lingered in the moment,
with you.

Posted in Life, Write | 1 Comment »

告白 – 湊佳苗

Oct 30th, 2011 by

看了之前很紅的告白, 除了”日本人真是扭曲變態”之外, 這個故事也讓我深深地感受到了事情的真相可以有好多面, 就如歷史, 每個人所知道所相信的只能是他片面的認知, 完全的真相通常連當事人都無法知道, 畢竟我們的一舉一動往往都是跟他人相連. 與其說不知道該相信什麼, 不如說在對同一事件不同的認知之下, 我們究竟能拼湊出多少事實; 又, 事情完全的真相真的重要嗎?

Posted in book notes | No Comments »

rankled.

Oct 11th, 2011 by

Careless attitudes, words that are not meant.

I’m so easily rankled by such things.

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goodbye.

Oct 11th, 2011 by

A little frog hopped toward me unexpectedly the other day while I was going through my stuffs.
I picked it up, contemplated for a bit.

I thought about the chance that it’d ever mean anything to me some day.

I threw it away.
It landed on its back, feeling nothing; or so I suspected.

I’m inclined to keep every little thing. Almost a hoarder. But in recent years I’ve been learning. Learning to let go of things and I can say I’ve improved quite a lot. Throwing away things that sort of have sentimental value but basically are trash is one. Thank goodness, or unfortunately(?), we rely heavily on technology nowadays and not much is tangible anymore. We can simply delete, or leave the stuffs there without acknowledging their existence until the drive dies or the service become unavailable. Like the email addresses of youth we no longer recall, those ridiculously amateurish websites that only exists in some obscure cache, and the private or public blogs that recorded our love once so strong.

But goodbye, little frog. Not that I have a strong feeling toward you; it’s just that I don’t have any feeling toward you.

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Emmys 2011 nomination

Sep 14th, 2011 by

Outstanding Comedy Series
“The Big Bang Theory” (2007)
“Glee” (2009)
“Modern Family” (2009)
“The Office” (2005)
“Parks and Recreation” (2009)
“30 Rock” (2006)

Outstanding Drama Series
“Boardwalk Empire” (2010)
“Dexter” (2006)
“Friday Night Lights” (2006)
“Game of Thrones” (2011)
“The Good Wife” (2009)
“Mad Men” (2007)

Outstanding Miniseries or Made for Television Movie
Cinema Verite (2011) (TV)
“Downton Abbey” (2010)
“The Kennedys” (2011)
“Mildred Pierce” (2011)
“The Pillars of the Earth” (2010)
Too Big to Fail (2011) (TV)

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin for “30 Rock” (2006)
Steve Carell for “The Office” (2005)
Louis C.K. for “Louie” (2010)
Johnny Galecki for “The Big Bang Theory” (2007)
Matt LeBlanc for “Episodes” (2011)
Jim Parsons for “The Big Bang Theory” (2007)

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Steve Buscemi for “Boardwalk Empire” (2010)
Kyle Chandler for “Friday Night Lights” (2006)
Michael C. Hall for “Dexter” (2006)
Jon Hamm for “Mad Men” (2007)
Hugh Laurie for “House M.D.” (2004)
Timothy Olyphant for “Justified” (2010)

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Idris Elba for “Luther” (2010)
Laurence Fishburne for Thurgood (2011) (TV)
William Hurt for Too Big to Fail (2011) (TV)
Greg Kinnear for “The Kennedys” (2011)
Barry Pepper for “The Kennedys” (2011)
Édgar Ramírez for “Carlos” (2010)

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Edie Falco for “Nurse Jackie” (2009)
Tina Fey for “30 Rock” (2006)
Laura Linney for “The Big C” (2010)
Melissa McCarthy for “Mike & Molly” (2010)
Martha Plimpton for “Raising Hope” (2010)
Amy Poehler for “Parks and Recreation” (2009)

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Kathy Bates for “Harry’s Law” (2011)
Connie Britton for “Friday Night Lights” (2006)
Mireille Enos for “The Killing” (2011)
Mariska Hargitay for “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (1999)
Julianna Margulies for “The Good Wife” (2009)
Elisabeth Moss for “Mad Men” (2007)

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Taraji P. Henson for Taken from Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story (2011) (TV)
Diane Lane for Cinema Verite (2011) (TV)
Jean Marsh for “Upstairs Downstairs” (2010)
Elizabeth McGovern for “Downton Abbey” (2010)
Kate Winslet for “Mildred Pierce” (2011)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Ty Burrell for “Modern Family” (2009)
Chris Colfer for “Glee” (2009)
Jon Cryer for “Two and a Half Men” (2003)
Jesse Tyler Ferguson for “Modern Family” (2009)
Ed O’Neill for “Modern Family” (2009)
Eric Stonestreet for “Modern Family” (2009)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Andre Braugher for “Men of a Certain Age” (2009)
Josh Charles for “The Good Wife” (2009)
Alan Cumming for “The Good Wife” (2009)
Peter Dinklage for “Game of Thrones” (2011)
Walton Goggins for “Justified” (2010)
John Slattery for “Mad Men” (2007)

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Paul Giamatti for Too Big to Fail (2011) (TV)
Brían F. O’Byrne for “Mildred Pierce” (2011)
Guy Pearce for “Mildred Pierce” (2011)
Tom Wilkinson for “The Kennedys” (2011)
James Woods for Too Big to Fail (2011) (TV)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Julie Bowen for “Modern Family” (2009)
Jane Krakowski for “30 Rock” (2006)
Jane Lynch for “Glee” (2009)
Sofía Vergara for “Modern Family” (2009)
Betty White for “Hot in Cleveland” (2010)
Kristen Wiig for “Saturday Night Live” (1975)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Christine Baranski for “The Good Wife” (2009)
Michelle Forbes for “The Killing” (2011)
Christina Hendricks for “Mad Men” (2007)
Kelly Macdonald for “Boardwalk Empire” (2010)
Margo Martindale for “Justified” (2010)
Archie Panjabi for “The Good Wife” (2009)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Eileen Atkins for “Upstairs Downstairs” (2010)
Melissa Leo for “Mildred Pierce” (2011)
Maggie Smith for “Downton Abbey” (2010)
Mare Winningham for “Mildred Pierce” (2011)
Evan Rachel Wood for “Mildred Pierce” (2011)

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series
“The Colbert Report” (2005)
“Conan” (2010)
“The Daily Show” (1996)
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” (2009)
“Real Time with Bill Maher” (2003)
“Saturday Night Live” (1975)

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