I guess the reason why I’m so nervous is because I cannot come up with any idea about what I’m to do. Feel like flaoting in the air. I hate the feeling that I cannot touch the ground. And now I’m feelint it right now. I can’t think straight. I can’t think of anything at all. I cannot rationalize it. I cannot figure it out. I cannot analyze it. I cannot draw a tree graph and come up with all the possibilities and all the possible solutions. I’m unprepared. That’s why I’m so nervous. And the thing is… I’m not unprepared cuz I’m lazy. I’m unprepared cuz hell I dont’ have a tiny bit idea of what I can do. So I sit here, keep talking to myself. A way of distracting. Oh man, it’s nothing like expecting a transcript. It’s much more horrifying than that. (talk as if receiving a transcript is a torture for me. No no, not at all.)
and now, no music will do, but no music will drive me nuts. Can you just kill me instead of stabbing me? Can you just hang me instead of hanging me there in the wind? and now, I again have the mood for wandering. I wanna throw myself to somewhere I dont know. Unprepared. It’s ok, right? At least I’m not sitting here and get rottened. Oh I wanna bury myself. I won’t feel anything that way right? I hate that I feel too much, think too much, talk too much, and read too much into things. I wanna stop the whole crap.