I am Your Sunshine

I’m sick and tired of getting what’s good instead of what I really want, what i really like!
From now on, I’m getting what I want. Screw the other “good” stuffs.

i’m gonna get a cell phone i like
i’m gonna get a cat i adore

in the future, i’m gonna get rid of my grumpy camry baby

今天是我第一次覺得需要而喝酒
以往都是想要喝而喝的
我為了這個即將到來的空虛的週末而感到無聊
無聊到感覺很絕望

所以我回家之後, 等房東離開了廚房
我衝出我的房間到冰箱拿前天開的酒
那支我覺得不是特別好喝的酒
我絕望到, 想試試看酒精能不能痲痹那樣的感覺
I drink, and I dont even taste it
I just want its effect
I’m not drinking wine, I’m taking 麻醉 (忘記怎麼拼了)
it’s the first time, I wanna feel what it’slike to be drunk
不要胡思亂想以為有什麼大事發生讓我如此失常
我真的就是無聊到覺得絕望
還有經前內分泌失調應該也有影響
然後酒精讓我昏昏沈沈, 無聊感覺依舊明顯
讓我想哭…

我知道如果我真的想喝醉的話, 我應該拿書架旁邊的 vodka 來喝
而不是慢慢喝白酒讓自己半夜一直起來上廁所
不過倘若早知有這種情況的話我就該買個 Belvedere 或 Grey Goose放著
剛剛喝了一口 vodka, 其實還不難喝耶
可惜現在只有我一個人
不然我會很 high 很多話
不過也正是因為我只有一個人, 所以才那麼無聊吧
想著想著, 又想哭了
再一口 vodka…不過我實在有點怕傳說中的宿醉

這樣說來, 自己備有酒到底是件好事還是壞事呢

[to be honest, I post this becuz i was afraid that my paper will be canceled :p]
為什麼維持電子報的水準，把這篇亂七八糟的東西拿掉，放到這裡。

跟上一張感覺不太一樣. 上一張很有特色, 尤其是 The Way, 讓我百聽不厭 接近上癮
但這張聽起來很流暢很舒服.

主唱的聲音稍嫌不夠乾淨, 但一首 Vampire 也唱得恰到好處, 有感情卻不造作

Motorola V180 $0/$169
Sony Ericsson Z500a $50/$199
Samsung X427M $0/$149

Absolutely Fabulous.
Arrested Development. /
cold feet (UK)
felicity s3 only
firefly
the L word
Keeping Up Appearances. – UK
Mad About you
MI-5
The Office
The Twilight Zone.
the wire
Midsomer Murders.

The hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy – UK comedy adaptation

第三季到一個段落

這次的 season finale 不像第二季的那麼讓人熱血沸騰充滿希望
這一集從第 25 分鐘開始讓我渾身不舒服
不是說它不好, 只是我不愛
一切都變得好黑暗.

Donaven 死掉, 感覺有點故意要強調現實的諷刺 ironic reality
於是有點做作, 然而現實就真的是那麼諷刺…
從 25 分開始, 我的心神分成兩部份
一大部分我跟著 C.J. 心痛如刀割, 一小部份注意劇情
season finale 殺人潮
但殺人有殺得讓人傷心哀痛, 也有殺得想讓人開扁

總之第三季不怎麼快樂, 尤其是最後幾集
看得心煩

另外, 我不知道是題材我不喜歡的關係還是真有點再走下坡
第三季給我的感覺頗為鬆散
劇情不那麼緊湊, 而衝突之間不怎麼協調
唉… 我不知道究竟是我的問題(喜好看sitcom XD) 還是 Aaron Sorkin的問題
我只知道, 第二季最好看了

Give me some hope

白宮可能遭到恐怖攻擊, Leo 說隨時就要把總統送到 bunker

總統堅決不肯

他說, 如果你們要送我到 bunker,

我就把 Hoyens 找來, 遞給他我的辭呈 (and that makes Hoyens the President)

然後再讓他指定我當他的副總統

總之我就是不去 bunker

哈哈

這應該是第四週了

我覺得除了本身的舞技, 還有 how fast you can pick it up 之外
兩個人的 personality 也很重要
這也會影響練舞時的氣氛,
而練舞時要是有人擺臭臉鬧脾氣, 那真的是很難搞
其中有一個人的舞伴超自大的, so full of himself
我真真真是為她感到倒楣

終於, 這次 Joey 的舞有生命多了
It’s actually fun to watch
and I did enjoy it
I watched, enjoyed, and didn’t criticize much
the only move they didn’t do well is the 上身旋轉
but, 我本來就不期望他能做好這項
對他的僵硬程度來說這太難了 (不過他真的有很大的進步)

Rachel 的 Samba 跟 Joey 的比起來感覺好像慢動作表演
head spin 看起來也是一樣僵硬
可是我真不懂, 其中兩個評審還是很愛他們
他們上次是真的很棒沒錯, 這次感覺真的很無聊啊…
還好至少 Karian 也有同感

John 是我的 all time fav
演員出身的他有很好的氣勢, 即使他緊張, 看起來還是從容自若
看他們的舞總是很享受
一大部分原因應該是他很會演吧, 表情總是很合宜
這次他們的曲子雖然有點慢, 卻不覺得像 Rachel 那樣 boring
令我驚訝的是他們竟然沒有做 head spin
I thought some moves are required

不過說真的, 有些舞就是適合某些人
這樣的比賽多少有點不公平
話說回來真正公平的事很少吧~

Kelly 今天真的很不錯
我好像前幾秒沒看清楚, 不過他的衣服好像一值要掉下來
所以其實看得出來她盡力地在 cover
好慘喔, 不然她們應該可以跳得更棒
但她們的舞真的是今天最好看的了
great job, Kelly!

接下來就是四對一起跳的 vienese waltz 了
真期待!!
恩…waltz還是要自己跳比較好玩
一直轉轉轉一定很棒~~~~

我也要跳舞啦!!!

am reading Faces’ newsletter. They reported the winners of several mystery related awards. it came to me that since i’m in the states, i should take advantage of this. get access to materials that i wasn’t able to acquire when i was in tw. such as some short stories of the amazing stanley something or other appetizer size dishes which are small that not noticable for international market but awesomely tasty. time is limited and wasted. what a terrible thing.

[updated] Recently I’ve been browsing thru online books store and discussion boards. I’m on my semi-annual book hunting.

Here are the books I consider buying:
Fiction:
作廢的捷克人 – LB (mys)
佳人之死 – Georges Simenon (mys)
拔一根頭髮.在幻想的森林中漫步 – Roger-Pol Droit
工作與時日神譜 – 赫西俄德
我曾侍候過英國國王 – Bohumil Hrabal
錯置體 – 藍霄 (mys)
長安亂 – 韓寒 (武俠)
遍地梟雄 – 王安憶

non-fiction:
宇宙、諸神、人：為你說的希臘神話 – 凡爾農
君主論 – 馬基雅維里
逛書架 – 陳建銘
煮字為藥 – 徐國能
藏著的中國 – 余秋雨

but in fact, I haven’t finished reading the ones I brought back from book fair this year. The abundant collection in local public library has filled most of my time.

btw, Bohumil Hrabal is the one who wrote “ilis hluicna spramots” (published by 大塊, which also published “be message” and many other great fiction.) I remember that I can’t really appreciate “ilis hluicna spramots”, though it received lots of praises. I wonder if I’d like “Obsluhoval isem anglick’eho”…

add some going-to-be-published Mysteries:
如果還有明天　席尼．薛爾頓／著　小知堂文化
殺人上癮　夏佩爾 & 烏奴奴／著　小知堂
really glad that there are more and more publisher took some interests in this area.
Reading English is still a pain for me… it’s too slow. (Okay~~ I AM too slow)

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
’cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
’cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

And when…
When the night falls on you, baby
You’re feeling all alone
You won’t be on your own

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

I don’t know what should be the title…

I just wanna say, headset is still better for music listening in the office. Yoyo lended me his speaker yesterday, but I dare not to turn it too loud. The result is, I only heard the “sound”. So I switch back to headset. Few drawbacks of using headset: it distorts hearing, and it hurts my ear… (not the same thing. wearing th headset literally hurts!)

First heard the song on Virgin Radio. The voice and the emotion attracted my attention. Getta know him more.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

My life stopped for a while. I’m gonna get back to my reading (Purpose Driven Life, P.D.James, Yi-Tien); I’m study German again; I’m gonna plan my trip; I’m gonna research on having a kitten. It’s really a drag doing nothing.

Speaking of soundtrack, for a while, I was very addicted to soundtracks. I think it’s when I was in high school, instead of traeting it as background and let it flee, I do pay attention to the music when I watch a movie. Then decide whether I should buy the soundtrack or not. Other than The Firm, OST of The Rock is another of my all time fav. (That’s why I melted even faster for A after he played the theme song. Sigh….dont know where he’s been…) I regret buying some of them for just the theme song, but there are still quite a lot worth listening to over n over again, such as My Best Friend’s Wedding (which is a very delightful soundtrack to listen to but unfortunately i lost it), That Thing You Do (very 60’s. Though I dont like the movie very much, it’s too sad and I only watched it once, still the music is very good). And some of them are musical movie soundtracks, such as Grease 2 and Moulin Rouge.

When the spirit and air collide…

This afternoon I was in a great deal of pain. Barenaked Ladies sounded irritating and therefore I picked up The Firm OST from my collection. Instantly I was pull back to the Cayman Island (not with Prof. Goldhaber though. another private joke, forgive me.) It’s still clear to me how this film opened another brand new world for me. For the first time, I cannot get a face out of my mind. I was touched by a devine beauty.

For a long time, the soundtrack (tape) had been my best travel mate until I somehow lost it. Last year, I bought the CD version on eBay. The OST contains many different types of music, but you wouldn’t feel awkward at all. The piano main title is always my fav; the country melody of Nevermind touches. It’s like the water gently brings you down the stream. It whispers, it tells you a sad story, it’s a story stands by itself.

How can you lose me….

Listen

It softened my bone at the very first three notes.

Now I suddenly remember the answer to a question they asked me a few days ago. We were talking about the Taiwanese singers, and most of the names they mentioned were somewhat distant to me. They asked, why did you listen to then back then? I thought, not western pop music. I started at the age of 14, but what about before that? I finally recalled… I listened to classical. How can I forget about it? Before the last year in Junior high, all the CD and tapes we had were mostly classical.

The world of music is so huge, and I’m only able to touch the skin if I wanna explore some of these and some of those.

A piece of music can be very different when performed by a great pianist or a mediocre. I think this is the first time I am touched by Beethoven’s music. His music to me was always just plain good, but never touched me like Mozart’s symphonies or Chopin’s piano do. And among all the instruments, piano is still the very one I adore. It’s clean; it’s clear; it’s delightful yet has the capability to express sorrow.

When you’re done yelling with our passionate rock ‘n’ roll, it’s time to go deeper for a while.

I was crazy about Simple Plan before they became popular. Their first album “No Pads, No Helmets…Just Balls” totally rocked, and I never get enough of them during that period of time. It’s different from what I used to listen to. It’s refreshing. It’s energetic… It’s what I call kids-rock. It’s designed to make you jumping up and down and get high in a healthy way. It’s not until the release of their second album “Still not getting any” did I know the reason why their first album was so unified in terms of style. They tend to be more conservative when producing the first album, and when it comes to the second one, they’re more confident and sure about what they’re doing and hence are more open to experiences. When I first heard their new album, I was really surprise to find they being capable of making different style of rock music. I love the song “Me Against the World” instantly, and later realized why. It’s more like the rock music I’m used to. It’s more mature… if I’m allowed to say so. The entire album is comprehensive. There are still songs of their “style”, which seems less successful than songs in their first album.

Today I ran out of taost, so I got a grande mocha and a apple muffin after I withdrew some money from BOA. I was debating whether I should spend that much on breakfast, but then when I saw the price of a muffin is 1.75, which is just a little bit higher than the bread I usually get from Chinese backery. I figured, why not indulge myself once in a while. (o—kay, my “a while” is usually pretty short.) I didn’t expect it to be good. In my experience, the pastry in Starbucks is usually very sweet. Even I, a person craves for sweets all the time (except chocolate. I have little interest in chocolate.), consider it too sweet. It’s a kind of dull sweetness which tires you easily. But the caramel apple muffin this time was really good! Its sweetness is refreshing, just like a breeze, with a hint of apple flavor and real apple slices, and it went so well with my mocha! Such a nice day :D