I am Your Sunshine

Is it coming, is it here?
Like lukewarm watermelon juice, pink and tender and sweet.
How can something started out so beautifully
bring such pain and suffering?
Why does the source of life go away
so carelessly so easily?
And it’s coming.
I know I can feel it
along with the pain and suffering
it’s coming
and it won’t be lukewarm watermelon juice any more.

but I think life should never be overlooked nor should it be overplayed.
Unfortunately nowadays, it’s either this or that way.
When did we lose the ability to take things as they really are?
Why does everything have to put on layers and pretend it as something else?
Life is sacred but you can’t use “life” as a mean to justify everything,
neither should we simply dismiss it as it doesn’t matter.
Life is life.
It is great and small.

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It’s cloudy today
no rain
cool and nice

You do get tired of the sunny days when you’re in California.

so the song of the day is Boston by Augustana.
Enjoy.

As the coming of June almost draws the half year mark of my brand new path, which, though, was prefigured long long time ago, I revisited the choice I’ve made and am continuing making, and I contemplated upon my fogged future. As I came across the job listing posted by Taco’s soon-to-be-former company, low paid as it is yet promised an interesting job responsibility (and most importantly, something that, to me, matters) in a friendly (as Taco often speaks of) work environment, I couldn’t help but rethinking the decision I made 5 years ago – not to spend another 6 months or so to take the joint degree of MI and MLIS, which is understandable as I was completely dried up by the graduate project and honestly not capable of real grad school works, partly because I wasn’t hard working enough at all. Another part of it was that I’d been a student for all my known years without really having the passion for studying. I realized then that I enjoyed being a student, the liberty and little responsibility that comes with, rather than “studying”. Granted I love learning, yet only when it requires no effort on my part. Thus, I decided to go on with my life even though it pained me much to face real life responsibilities and rendered me panicked and lost and confused in the world which seemingly filled with infinite opportunities yet none destined for me. Looking back, I think I’ve made a right decision since I wouldn’t be able to learn things properly back then anyways. It’s just a pity that I don’t have a MLIS degree that may place me better in the world that I’d be happier in.

Having studied English at De Anza for a little short of two quarters, it never ceased to intrigue me as I once feared. I was afraid that it might afterall be another one of my fantasized means to escape the cruel, real world in which only money and scheduled vacation matter. On the contrary, the more, though relatively very little, I learned, the deeper I realized that to study English, in a grander scale, the Humanities, is in fact to study “everything”, which has always been a passion of mine. I now come to the decision point, which I set for myself at the beginning of this journey, of what my next step would be. I have a few options in mind, which doesn’t involve anything about going back to the IT field.
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’tis the second night of June, 2009
it rained
(in Northern California)

Heh!?

walking out of a bookstore
next to a landfill
(what, imagine, was brought down, in the air, by the rain)

Gross!

Song of young love, cute.

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晚上在跟包伯聊天, 結果他告訴我他最近都在跟安主講些歡樂的話題,
基本上就是, 他們討論好了

我們以後要組電子哭哭團
包伯在後面打鼓還有弄不知所云的synth
安主彈沒人懂的工業riff
當然要極瘦 all star
“然後你 重點是你 你要在最前面 也是極瘦
然後亦不小心掉近自己的世界裡”
我們就紅斃了

簡單來說 包伯在後面幫我們兩個瘦子放不知所云的卡拉ok
安主談不知所云的吉他
我掉近自己世界主唱

這樣應該會紅回台灣
成為台灣之光 (因為任何在國外的東西都會變成台灣之光)

XD

(舊稿出清)

Lately, there’s a pro-Manure sentiment circling on the PTT CFC board. I guess it’s because Ubear is friendly toward us. There was a time I hate ManU for its fans… but I guess that’s ancient history and i don’t remember exactly why i hated them (and later I was reminded by s?k that I used to resent their arrogance.) I think part of the reason we side with them, at this moment, is because they seem to see us as a worthy opponent while they despise L & A. However, the gesture along suggests a hint of condescension, which implies that they’re actually in a higher status than us, and I abhor the idea. But on the other hand, maybe it’s just the simple human nature to form allies. Perhaps I shouldn’t read too much into it.

好不容易出了門, 去圖書館借還書, 吃過午餐, 終於在 Rivermark 的 Peet’s Coffe 坐定. 讀了一會因好奇而借的 Anne Bronte 的 Agnes Grey, 覺得無聊, 於是拿出 W.H.Auden的詩選, 開始看 Edward Mendelson 寫的 Intro.

雖然只讀過 Auden 的兩三首詩, 當 Brit Lit 老師要我們思考一下期末報告想拿哪個 Victorian 或是 Modern 的作家為主題時, 我還是選了 Auden. 第二選擇是 Oscar Wilde, 但是我對 Queer Theory 實在是一點頭緒都沒有. (當老師興高采烈地說著 Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde 裡 Mr. Utterson 跟 Mr. Enfield 在 Jekyll 窗台下的對話充滿了暗示, 我真的完全一頭霧水… 也許該跟 Moni 請教一下, 畢竟她在英美文學專攻 feminism 跟 Queer Theory… 似乎是.) 再來我對 Tennyson 也頗有興趣 (Anne of Green Gables 的遺毒啊. XD) 但我覺得選 Tennyson 會是自找麻煩.

扯那麼多, 在 Selected Poems of W.H. Auden 的 intro 裡, 有一句話給我很大的啟發.

His poems derive much of their unique emotional power from his realization that the only way to be universal is to be individual, that a way to write a love poem that can be moving to everyone was not to write about love in general, but to write about his own unique experience of loving one unique person, with all complexities, extravagances, and absurdities that are part of anyone’s real experience of love.

這是個對我自己寫作很重要的一個認知與提醒.

另外一段我很喜歡的是在說 Auden 在某個時期的短詩, 都著重於 first-person speech 在現今社會的價值.

… the value of first-person speech in a world increasingly dominated by mass media and generalities, and the value of the individual human face were signs of the uniqueness of each human beings; and what all unique individuals had in common, besides uniqueness, was the body with its impersonal instincts and needs, and its indifference to all local, ethnic, political, and national loyalties.

這段讓我想到某人的 “人因不凡而平凡”理論. 然而與 Auden 的態度不同, 他說這話是語帶諷刺, 對於許多人自命不凡的心態感到不以為然. 而這段 “…what all unique individuals had in common, besides uniqueness…” 看似 oxymoron, 實在是讓人忍不住會心一笑.

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Even though it basically is Sci-Fi, throughout the film, Blade Runner is very noir-istic. Then again, if I weren’t told that it was categorized as Neo-Noir as well, would I notice it? I probably wouldn’t, hadn’t I been watching a lot of film noir lately. Because of the gross exposure to the “genre” (it’s controversial whether film noir is a genre or just a style), I’m now very sensitive to noir elements.

Blade Runner was adapted from a novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick. The version I watched was the one released in North America. Ridley Scott, the director, doesn’t like the version, and he released two director cuts in 1992 (Director’s Cut) and 2007 (Final Cut) respectively. I’m going to watch his final cut in the near future.

All in all, it’s very impressive that the movie doesn’t look “old” after almost 30 years. The cinematography/visual is still stunning and eye catching.

They sang a song I’d never heard before
about a girl who walked through that door
strikingly beautiful and painfully confused
the air froze as she moved

she asked for a drink
but they gave her a muffin
it all sounded too familiar
like a waking dream

much like a doll without a soul
she sat down on the couch and did what she’s told
the lights were dim and talks were low
everyone’s watching but nobody saw

the last ghost standing
lingering in the room
she’s suddenly pale
as the faint beam failed

she’s looking left and right
for a hand to hold
but the sailors gathered beside her
started to sing a song

剛剛安主丟給我的文青檢查單, 因為剛好最近我們(加上包伯)沒事就在開文青英搖後搖掛的玩笑.
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Linguistic
Acting (並不是對acting有興趣就是了…)
Drawing
Ballroom Dance
Class Piano or Guitar
Radio Operation
American Lit (也許還是有必要, 雖然比起BritLit吸引力實在小很多)
Poetry

不過除了 Drawing 之外都得等明年

5/10 Disposable concert
5/13 開始看 Doctor Who s4
5/14 Star Trek IMAX, 17 Again
5/15 下班後跟Smore, Kelly, Sean衝到Sacramento看Rivercats
5/16 Santana Row 聽音樂
5/17 中午去 Berkeley 跟 Nora, Andrew 吃法國小館, 下午逛 Fillmore, 晚上慶功宴吃 Le Charm.
5/18 把 Doctor Who s4 看完
5/19 Mountain View 吃拉麵討論行程
5/21 Fleetwood Mac 演唱會
5/23 本來要去看 A’s v Dan Haren, 但最後決定在家看電視轉播.
5/24-25 去 San Luis Obispo 玩

好久沒有真正的出去玩了 (酒莊不算 XD)

這周末是 Memorial Day Long Weekend, 我們臨時決定去 San Luis Obispo (county)玩. 多年前在那邊看了 Elephant Seals, 一直念念不忘, 於是當蘑菇提議時, 我二話不說就答應了.

前一天在整理房間時, 發現一個神秘的袋子, 裡面裝的原來是被我遺忘已久的小羊. 因為怕它放在外面會髒掉, 所以上一次帶出門之後回來就把它收起來, 沒想到半年後才又讓它重見天日, 於是我決定這次帶它出去玩!

星期天匆匆忙忙地起床出門到蘑菇家跟他們會合, 第一站是到 Los Gatos 吃豐盛的早餐. 我點了 Crabcakes special, 蘑菇點了法式捲pancake, 而安主自己蓋了個好吃的蛋捲. 雖然不是很便宜, 但是真的很好吃, 而且份量超多, 我跟安主都各自帶了一盒當午餐. 吃飽之後總算是清醒了許多 (還是陷入 food coma呢?) 我們一路 101 向南, 來到了 Paso Robles (還是不知道該念趴叟蘿蔔絲還是趴叟羅不雷), 在 Courtyard check in 又一路 CA-46 往海邊開. 先在途中的橄欖農場 Pasolivo 停了一下, 結果發現它的橄欖油完全比不上我們上周在 SF 試吃的. 又停了一家我覺得建築長得很像 cheesecake 但沒有人跟我有同感的酒莊, Denner Vineyard. 它的 Mourvedre 跟 Grenache 很好喝.

繼續往西來到了威爾斯 Cambria * 小鎮, 逛了一些有趣的小店, 包括很多 amish 製品的木頭傢俱屋, 蘑菇跟安主坐在搖椅上根本都不想走了…

(安主在吃海鮮gummy bear)

逛了一圈我們終於來到 Cambria 海邊, 一棵棵樹都被海風吹彎了腰.

超大一群的海鳥

還有很多人在玩風箏, 水上也有人玩 kiteborading (是種昂貴的運動)

在海邊走了一下, 我們繼續往北來到本日重頭戲 – elephant seals!!!

一下車就覺得臭味撲鼻, 很奇怪, 印象中他們沒那麼臭的. 可能是在換毛期的關係.
看著他們懶懶地躺在沙灘上, 偶爾用手撥撥沙子, 偶爾用手抓抓癢, 超可愛的.
有時候他們也會忽然爬起來對旁邊的人鬼叫鬼叫, 咬來咬去, 用胸部互撞.
不過整體而言, 它們這天超級懶散的, 只有兩隻打來打去打到海裡 XD

(看起來很浪漫, 其實在打架 XD)
臭歸臭, 我還是看了半個小時之久, 非常滿足.

看完 elephant seals, 我們又回到 Cambria 的海邊, 看看海, 還在旁邊的小公園盪鞦韆. 蘑菇在我的指導之下終於學會了! (對~ 屁股要用一點力!) 然後我跟安主還在給小孩玩的水管裡模擬塞在大鼓裡的情境. 我發現把自己塞在大鼓裡似乎沒有我想像的簡單.

太陽快下山時我們選了一家很貴但是可以看夕陽 (雖然雲太厚所以不怎麼好看), 但還好食物也很好吃的 Moonstone Beach Grill 吃飯, 結束了我們大自然的一天!

星期一早上, 我們本來要去一家農莊閒逛順便買 baked goods 當早餐, 無奈它太晚開了, 肚子咕嚕咕嚕叫的我們又開回 Paso Robles downtown 吃一家很貴 (但還好還是很好吃) 的 Panolivo. 吃完後發現, 老闆夫婦是法國人, 曾經在 Bay Area 住過一陣子之後才跑來 Paso Robles 開餐廳, 難怪他們餐廳的價位跟 Bay Area 有得比.

早餐後本來是要去拜訪 Alpaca 的, 難得來到有很多 alpaca 農場的地方, 沒想到 Memorial Day alpaca們不見客, 我真是太傷心了. 看來下次得再來一次. (alpaca 是這個. 如果你有學過 perl 應該知道. XD)

所以我們直接開到 San Luis Obispo. 逛了 Mission SLO 還有它悠閒的街道, 感覺 SLO 應該是個蠻有錢的城市.

回灣區的路上我們稍停了一下 Salinas, 想說拜訪一下 John Steinbeck 的出生地, 沒想到 Salinas 超破敗的, 然後紀念館也沒開, 於是晃了兩圈 (因為GPS迷路) 就回 bay area.

真是好玩又不會太累的 road trip, 我準備的 mix CDs 也大受好評. :D

下個目的地: Bryce Canyon + Zion

註:
* Cambria 是威爾斯語的 Cymru (Wales) 拉丁化的寫法.
** 小羊是包包, 不過容量不大. 錢包+相機+手機就撐死了.

現在我還有殘念的團/歌手大概只剩兩個我的本命C團 (Collective Soul已經看過了!)
Counting Crows (錯過兩次)
Creed (本來以為沒希望, 沒想到今年reunion)
再加上 Jimmy Eat World 好了, oh, and Lisa Loeb

愛團非看不可已經看過的有:
Cake (兩次), Sheryl Crow, Hoobastank, Keane, Third Eye Blind, Blue October (兩次), Fratellis, H.I.M., Collective Soul, REM, Fastball, Shawn Colvin, Travis, Fleetwood Mac

喜歡的團, 已經看過的:
Snow Patrol (兩次), Five for Fighting, James Blunt, Lifehouse, Keren Ann, No Use For A Name, MCR, Placebo, Bowling for Soup, The Swell Season, Suzanne Vega,

曾經真的很想很想看, 現在其實還好
Simple Plan, The Killers, Good Charlotte, Guster, The Fray, The Hush Sound,

其實有機會還是很想聽:
Silverchair, Styx, Ludo, Hard-Fi, Fountain of Wayne, Pearl Jam, Sugarcult, Delays, All American Rejects, The Cure, Muse, Rage Against Machine, The White Stripes

and… no, NIN is not on my list XD

20090521 @ HP Pavilion, San Jose, CA

OMG. It’s been so long since I last went to a concert. (I just checked, the last one I went to was Outside Lands last year, which was 9 months ago. That’s crazy…) When the lights went out and they slowly emerged on the stage, my heart started racing… this is the concert scene I’ve been missing. How I’m glad to be back!

Few notes about the concert:
Dreams was so right. Get me right into the mood.
Sara was brilliant!
Rhiannon was kinda disappointing cos Stevie didn’t hit those high notes. gotta cut the old lady some slacks I suppose.
Landslide was so melancholy, just the way English people like it. It almost made me cry.
Go Your Own Way and Don’t Stop were the highlights of the show.

Lindsey Buckingham was friggin’ awesome!!!!!!!!

我根本就愛上這個帥氣老頭了

5/23
6:30 FC Schalke 04 vs. TSG Hoffenheim
12:00 Villarreal CF vs. Valencia CF
5/24
6:00 US Lecce vs. AC Fiorentina
8:00 Sunderland vs. Chelsea

If I can go back
to the day we first met
beginning of autumn
of a beautiful year
I’d shout Let’s Go Oakland
(to my heart’s content)
so that you’d know
I’m on your side

the days when we were great.