I am Your Sunshine

My heart flutters.
But I’ve seen and experienced to know this much.
To know it passes.

It is beyond control; I hover afloat watching myself rise and fall and sway against the wave that is people passing by without a slightest intent of injury.

Until.

Then the poetry is lost. Turns into something raw and magical and beautiful.
Something transient.

I think back to a time when I was green in judgment, cold in blood, and realize I’m still green in judgment; yet, perhaps, colder in blood.

false hope and the intangible words you cling so hopelessly to
and few simple notes that never fail to lead you to the edge of tears
perhaps it merely provides you with an excuse
so that you can hide behind the mass produced emotions and feel something without anyone noticing

you listen to Round Here over and over and over and over and over again
suddenly realized the overjoyfulness was a preamble of this overwhelming rush of dejection
that you know all so well

nevertheless you feel so alive and desperate at the same time
everything is unforgivably gloomy in this sunny sunny day
you doubt not yourself; the universe is at fault

and with futile effort you grasp the air and wonder
where the boy’s gone who once said to you, “grab onto me tightly as if I know the way.”
where did they all go?

fragile fragile words fell
without making a sound.

The ideal man should talk to us as if we were goddesses, and treat us as if we were children. He should refuse all our serious requests and gratify every one of our whims. He should always say much more than he means, and always means much more than he says. He should persistently compromise us in public, and treat us with absolute respect when we are alone. And yet, he should be always ready to have a perfectly terrible scene whenever we want one. And to become miserable, absolutely miserable at a moment’s notice. And overwhelm us with just approaches in less than twenty minutes. And be positively violent at the end of half an hour, and to leave us forever at a quarter to eight when we have to go and dress for dinner. And when after that, one has seen him for really the last time, and he’s refused to take back the little things he has given one and promised never to communicate with one again or to write one any foolish letters, he should be perfectly broken hearted and telegraph one all day long and send one little notes every half an hour by a private hansom, and dying quite alone at the pub so everyone should know how unhappy he was. And after a whole dreadful week, during which one has gone about everywhere with one’s husband just to show how lonely one was, he may be given a third last parting, in the evening. And then, if his conduct has been quite irreproachable, and one has behaved really badly to him, he should be allow to admit that he’s been entirely in the wrong And when he has admitted that, it becomes a women’s duty to forgive. And one can do it all over again from the beginning, with variations.

XD

Losing your voice to another writer
Some prose styles are so powerful they can take over your own.

Read it on Guardian today.
It’s quite interesting as I myself have experienced it one time too many.

The following quote is especially true and amusing. :)

Their prose’s rhythms and vocabulary wrap around my subconscious, leading me to produce these daft approximations whenever I sit down and try to write for myself. The results are generally frustrating. It’s annoying to lose your own natural voice. It’s even more infuriating to realise that the pastiche sentences you’re writing are nothing like as good as the originals.

我總是無法抗拒這種怪力亂神又充滿了歷史與奇幻典故的題材, 加上女主角又是我從小就很喜歡的女打者 Yancy Butler. Witchblade 改編自 Top Cow 出版的同名漫畫系列, 一開始是由 Tow Cow Productions 與 Halsted Pictures, 華納等公司聯合製作的電視電影, 在 TNT 播出收視意外良好因而決定續拍影集.

在歷史上有許多名人 (實際或虛構) 佩帶過 Witchblade, 它可帶給佩帶者強大的能力. 然而它會選擇自己的主人, 並只限女性, 冒牌者戴上 Witchblade 只會招來滅亡. 傳說中埃及豔后, 聖女貞德等人都是 Witchblade 選中的佩帶者. 而影集中的主角 Sara Pezzini 是 NYPD 的菁英謀殺組警探.

第一季除了一開始步調略慢之外, 整體來說還不錯. 打鬥場面常常有慢動作, 而且有點講究意象, 但我想那就是十年前的呈現手法. 裡面的角色各有特色, 連陰森森的 Ian Nottingham 都莫名其妙地讓人喜愛. 但反派就有點討厭, 那種討厭不是讓你恨得牙癢癢的討厭而是讓人很不耐煩. 第一季的 finale 放了個大絕, 直接影響了第二季的走向. 因此第二季看了幾集下來, 還是覺得怪怪的.

雖然不是個很完美也不怎麼緊湊的影集, 但我還是可以稍微看得津津有味, 我覺得我真是越來越不挑了. 不過等下個月開始忙起來雞肋都可以丟掉了 (像是Body of Proof. 以及一些就真的只有沒東西看時拿配飯吃的價值的 basic cable 影集.)

最近對 Tocca 的 Florence 沒有那麼迷戀, D&G 的 18 也還好,
也許聞久了 tuberose 也是會膩的.

但繼 L’Occitane 的 The Vert au Jasmin 之後, 我又愛上一款有茶香的香水.
Anthropologie 的 1856 Darjeeling by Adriana Medina, 是 Anthro 出的一系列 A Rather Novel Collection 之一, 盒子外型做得像一本書, 正正合我胃口啊!

Notes: bergamot, cardamom, chamomile, mint / jasmine, orange blossom, rose, tea / cedar wood, amber, musk.

另外一瓶最近還蠻喜歡的是 Emilio Pucci Vivara, 瓶身很醜, 我平常根本不會注意到它. 某日在 Sephora 有人試完之後說了一聲 “too citrussy”, 我聽了便跑去試試. 在試香紙上聞起來很清新, 就像那人說的非常 citrussy, 但一接觸到我的皮膚馬上變成一種淡淡甜甜的暖香, 有種剛沐浴完的感覺. 很有趣.

Notes: Italian Bergamot, Amaretto, Sambac Jasmine, Narcissus, Indonesian Patchouli, Iris Butter. Continue Reading »

Eeyore: Literature’s archetypal outsider – Guardian

Eeyore, 這個最惹人喜愛的陰沉角色. 即使他不會因此而開心, 但我們還是對他說聲
生日快樂.

你也許不知道, 今天(5/9)是 Eeyore 的生日. 而大家忘記 Eeyore 的生日總是讓他非常非常沮喪. 一般來說小豬會送他一顆氣球, 維尼會送他一個空的蜂蜜罐子. 不過呢, 今年可是這隻陰沉驢子的一百四十歲大壽 (真的是很老!) 我想我們應該給他個驚喜, 慶祝這位了不起的文學人物的誕生.

小熊維尼的故事已經是我們生活的一部分. 我們小時候讀小熊維尼, 長大後也念給自己的小孩聽. 小熊維尼中的每個角色都非常惹人憐愛, 但 Eeyore 在我們的心中似乎佔有個特別的位置. 我們無可自拔地被他吸引, 因為我們體認到他陰沉的個性中非常符合人性的部份. 他的哀傷就像是我們的哀傷. Eeyore – 一隻平凡驢 – 代表我們每一個平凡人.

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Watching Blue Bloods season finale, I can’t help but thinking…

Who wouldn’t wanna kiss a Mark Ellis look alike? (I totally would.)

No offense Will (Estes), but for me, you’re my TV version MaEl. (At least you’re not the balloon artist version MaEl whom I came across the other day at a dim sum restaurant.)

But I have to admit, that girl who grabbed and kissed Jamie (Will Estes) was as cute as a button. And they do look great together. I’m drowned with envy.

To quote Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease 2, Where can I get one?

I can’t even remember what was the last time I read Jane Eyre. All I recall is 1997 A&E’s Ciarán Hinds and Samantha Morton, and 2006 BBC’s can’t-take-my-eyes-off-her-lips Ruth Wilson and sweet sweet Toby Stephens. As the highly anticipated 2011 film adaption approaches, I opened this much loved novel once again.

And noticed all the stuffs I didn’t notice before.

My first thought through the first few chapters – Jane Eyre is such a drama queen!

She is really annoying, yet the portrayal is honest and I can’t help but liking her (and her blunt honesty) eventually.

Below are some of my fav quotes, for its language or the emotions/psychology portrayed.
Continue Reading »

It’s Spaten Optimator of late.
Finished a bottle of adequate yet unimpressive Ravenwood cab last week.
I discovered with surprise that my casual alcohol intake quota has increased.
I keep much-anticipated Stagsleap cab and fallen-from-the-sky Chandon brut at bay and ventured to the brews, German is my new, and old, obsession.
Stevie Nicks’ dry yet rich voice channels pressed longings in this bright yet lonely afternoon, telling me thunder only happens when it’s raining.

我有一個 alias email, 是廣告信或登錄我可能只會看一次的論壇用的.
今天為了註冊 gallifrey base, 而進去 alias 信箱認證, 結果不經意發現一封 mortuva 寄來的 email. 有些垃圾信常常會使用看起來像是真人的名字, 字裡行間的語氣總是很閒話家常, 這些信的重點往往是一行看起來莫名的網址. 然而這封 email 看起來非常的 legit, 就像是… 寄錯信箱一樣. 簡短的內容說著婚禮的安排, 撩起了我的好奇心. 回到收件列表發現下面還有一封同一天寄出的信, 裡面寫了 “這個周末很愉快, 我真是為你跟 Alan 高興. Alan 跟他父母討論過了嗎? 我們還是等一切確定後再下訂金吧.” 內容絮叨瑣碎, 但又十分親近. 於是我搜尋整個信箱, 結果發現最早的一封信是去年的四月底寄來, 同時還 cc 了應該是正主兒的喬治亞大學信箱 (帳號跟我的alias相同), 裡面囑咐女兒周末的 phone interview 說話要放慢速度, 最後署名 love you, Mommy. 其中還有兩封同樣簡短的信, 一封只在標題上寫著 “越貴的越好”, 另一封則是推薦一家修車場. 反覆看了幾次這五封信, 好像不經意地窺視了一個完全不認識的人的生命片段 (連全名都不知道), 感覺好奇妙.

Count Kaiserling, who often stopped in Leipzig and brought there with him the aforementioned Goldberg, in order to have him given musical instruction by Bach. The Count was often ill and had sleepless nights. At such times, Goldberg, who lived in his house, had to spend the night in an antechamber, so as to play for him during his insomnia. … Once the Count mentioned in Bach’s presence that he would like to have some clavier pieces for Goldberg, which should be of such a smooth and somewhat lively character that he might be a little cheered up by them in his sleepless nights.

-from an early biography of Bach by Johann Nikolaus Forkel

最近對於搖滾有點冷感, 不知道要聽什麼, 也沒什麼特別想聽的.

從晚上睡前聽一點女聲爵士, Diana Krall, Keren Ann, Stacey Kent, Julie London,
到狂聽 Stan Getz, Bill Evans, Eliane Elias, Ms. Fitzgerald.

去年底瘋狂收集 Handel 的音樂之後又淡了一陣子.
但自從聽完 Hilary Hahn 之後, 又迷上 Dvorak, 還有大小提琴.
不小心聽到 Piano Quintet 我整個又被拉回鋼琴, 還是鋼琴最好聽.
於是開始收集蕭邦各個版本 (為什麼 Yefim 沒有蕭邦錄音呢?)

所以 The Strokes 與 R.E.M. 的新專輯都聽一次便束之高閣, 好像只是做個功課.
實在激不起感動啊…

偶爾又聽一下 Billy Joel, 或重復播放 Bowie 怪老伯的 Starman (真是無敵好聽.)
但基本上就是對搖滾, 沒有耐心.

然後剛剛在收 ModernRock 精華區, 注意到了 Yellowcard 出新專輯一事.
想說, 好吧, 去拜訪一下他們的 myspace, 畢竟當初還蠻喜歡/常聽 Lights and Sounds.

Hang You Up. 新歌, 好甜美. 是我熟悉的 pop punk 抒情歌啊.
於是我想, 也許這又是個新的輪迴的開始.
大概六七年前, 小時候, pop punk 可說是我最喜歡的類型,
(但我也不是照單全收, 我喜歡他們音樂裡直接真誠的奮不顧身,
並不是每個團都能傳達出這樣的感情.)
然後是 post-punk revival, post-grunge, britpop 等等. 然後 classic rock, grunge.
(I use these terms loosely, as I listen to bands, or more specifically, songs, not genres. It’s just a mean to communicate faster, though arguably ineffective and misunderstanding-prone.)
我不知道我還回不回得去, 就像我不知道搖滾 as a genre 是不是已經在邁向死亡.
But all in good times.

(其實只是有人叫我po照片 XD)

Continue Reading »

Opening song, Machu Picchu. My reaction: what the heck is this? This is by no means the Strokes I knew. Thankfully, we smoothed into a single, Under Cover Of Darkness, which is more Strokes-esque. But that’s probably because I’ve gotten used to it after hearing it so many times. On to Two Kinds Of Happiness, my complaint so far: why do I hear Julian so clearly? Where is the old-fashioned, static radio-esque quality that I so loved?

In all, Angels is a bit too cheery for my taste. Not that I don’t like a happy album, it’s just not The Strokes to me.

Through the crossed rivulets on the steamed glass,
she thought she saw a smile
punctuated by a blob of toothpaste bubble
whose neon shine long removed.

She didn’t remember the last time she wiped the glass,
neither did she recall how the stains got there,
like the creases and dips and motes
that she ever so conscientiously tried
to smooth to brighten to fair
with her makeup artist’s kit of toiletries.

Bathroom rendered a battlefield
with helpless hair lying, crying a silent elegy
with glass hastily mopped, leaving trails of futile efforts

Hours spent, alas, nobody noticed.

Continue Reading »

4/6/2011 @ 國家音樂廳

Haydn：Symphony No 44 in E minor “Trauer”
Mozart：Violin Concerto in A, K. 219
A. Dvořák：Nocturne
A. Dvořák：Serenade for Strings

encore:
Hilary Hahn
BWV1001 – Presto 和 BWV1002 – Sarabande
ECO
Britten Variations on a Theme of Frank Bridge (third variation)

心得: 國家音樂廳觀眾素質 >> Davies Symphony Hall 觀眾
我想開始聽 Chamber Music, Dvorak 好棒啊 (以往都只聽新世界)
明年 Hilary Hahn 來 SF 要去聽

巷口乾麵 x3 (乾意麵 米糕 排骨酥湯)
摩斯漢堡 x3 (海洋珍珠堡, 炸蝦堡 奶茶)
a3 x2 (下午茶, 晚餐+酒)
高記 x2
永康街鹽酥雞 x2
大腕
勝博店
樂麵屋
鼎泰豐 (SOGO復興店 下午茶)
誠記越南
日光寒舍
Tenya 屋
大來小館
儂來魚翅
築地市場
Rainbow Cafe
金華街上不知名法式甜點下午茶
永康街巷內兩家忘記名字的咖啡廳/茶店 (遇到吾爾開希)

水巷茶弄 n杯
五十嵐 2杯
TA 1杯
銅猴 1杯

Did I miss something?

This version is horribly fragmented. I wonder how someone who’d never read the novel would see the characters? They must have all seen rather psychotic. Their feelings for each other seemed to come out of nowhere and several monumental events were omitted. Dry and awkward.

I’m okay with its non-linear way of story telling: setting the “present” toward the end of the story. The execution is actually quite good; flashbacks nicely done. However, its much hyped cinematography is really not my cup of tea. The scenes which should be gloomy and eerie and dark are awfully bright. I was looking forward to one that filled with Gothic elements. A lot of the stuffs look out of place and a lot are missed.

The only good thing is probably the original dialogues preserved in this version.

Very disappointed.

(But I know some absolutely LOVE this version while some abhor it. So you’ll have to be the judge for yourself.)