I am Your Sunshine

鋼琴系的 alternative rock 非常有療傷效果!
適合這個季節

(明明就聽了半年吧 XD)

I switched the night from Handel’s Messiah to Delays and Hope of the State which seemed to be a bad idea now cos my flight has been delayed for a whole hour. Gates of security check, all the restaurants and stores were shut; we were the only few people stuck here. It sucks. Had I ot with a nasty migraine but with my iBook and a couple of DVDs, I might be ok. It just sucks now. I have a book (Grab on to Me Tightly As If I Knew the Way… I just loved the name) and Punk Planet Nov/Dec issue to read, and few pieces of paper to write on, but i wanna do neither. (Though I AM writing.)

I turned off the mp3 player, Hope of the State shut abruptly. The air suddenly became quiet and full of noise at the same moment. I heard a soft female voice singing. “How nice.” I thouhgt. “At least we have some music to sooth our anxious minds while waiting.” then I realized it’s the mom sitting across singing to her daughter. (Actually they look kinda like lovers. I can’t really tell. Isn’t it peculiar?) My migraine’s alleviated a bit. I wonder if it’s because I released my ears from the headsets.

Waiting, we’re all waiting, in line and in life. We wait for someone to turn back, we wait for someone to catch up, we wait for our dinner to be ready, but by the time it’s ready, we’re not hungry anymore. When we’re stuck in space and/or in time, and the entire world seems empty and hopeless, we wanna grab onto something without having to give up something we really treasure. What are you willing to trade for something you need at the moment? How are you going to make that call? What do you base your decision on? Do you ever regret? Do you try to make it up or let it go? When that emptiness eats you from within, how are you going to fight back? You kick some butts and play a good game, but in the end, you’re still alone with your Armani coat. What will you do then?

in the darkest hour of the night
you find daylight

we still have Kevin Griffin.

Don’t know why… maybe I’m used to get up before 9. Went to bed around 4am last night, still woke up around 7 or 8 something, tried to go back to sleep. Super sober around 10 and I remembered there’s supposed to be the Wigan game today. Since I can’t sleep, I might as well get up and check the score… so I caught the second half, the horrifying second half.

It was 1-2 at the half time. I missed LP’s long missed goal and Kalou’s freshman goal. We were lousy in the second half; Wigan, on the other hand, played a pretty good game. I guess Mourihno didn’t kick some butt during the break that’s why the team seemed careless. As lowlydog said, 這個球隊只有賤而已. -_-

We were hopeless though there was still time. We were like a total mess while Wigan seemed pretty well-organized, and energetic. But at the third minute of stoppage time, Robben, our hair losing, no-goal-this-season Robben scored a terrific, powerful goal and settled the game! (with the assistance of Drogba’s Goalie sight blocking and neaty two spread legs.) Although I knew about the goal before seeing it, I still almost bursted into tears when Robben put the ball into the goal clean and straight. It was beautiful. And seeing the shining bright look on his face was one of the happiest thing in the world. He rejoiced as if he hairline stopped declining. (Oh I’m mean…) Robben you’re our hero. We’re going to sing Blue is the colour, Robben is the man. And this one is for Terry, we really need you back! Get well soon, our captain, our man. :)

I sorta agree with the reporter at StarSport. Yes it’s a pity for Wigan that they handed the 3 points to us. They played a really good game. However, we can’t afford to lose. We have two points to catch up and a few more teams to beat! Come on Chelsea! We’ll keep the blug flag flying high!

(and man… when’s Man Utd gonna lose a couple of games? I look forward the day.)

Today is the first day I really look forward to the new year. “The old has gone, the new has come! ” Future seems positive and full of hope. I have had one thing to look forward to already – a cute roommate with a brand new cute haircut. The air is cool but the sun is shining brightly, and though the migraine bothers me quite much, the burden on my heart’s lifted and Handel’s Messiah is playing in my head the entire day, pleasantly, of course. His burden is easy; His yoke is light.

I believe I witnessed a personal miracle last night. Though it might seem insignificant, even irrelevant, to others. We went to SF Symphony Hall for Handel’s oratorio Messiah. This was my third Handel Messiah experience, if I don’t count Hallelujah chorus, which I myself sang Alto in the choir when I was in Buf. The first time I listened to Messiah live was at National Music Hall in Taipei few years ago. The second time was in 2004 when I just got to the Bay Area. I found out the annual You-Sing-It Messiah concert in San Jose and invited some sisters to join me. It was awesome but pity that I could only sing Hallelujah’s Alto part properly; I’ve never practiced other songs. (As opposed some sister in the choir, they’ve done the entire, well, abridged, Messiah before!) This time, I decided to visit SF Symphony and enjoy a more “orthodox” performance conducted by Jane Glover.

Due to the weather and traffic, we got there just on time but still a bit late that we didn’t make it to the seat when Sinfony started. Naturally, we weren’t allowed to go in along with dozens of other people (maybe more than a hundred.) The usher told me it’d be around 20 minutes. I thought, For Unto Us a Child is Born, my favorite, is often the 10th track (it turned out to be the twelveth) in most complete Messiah albums; I should be able to be in my seat by the time they get to this song. However, when I went over and asked the usher when exactly we could get in, she pointed at (Chorus)For Unto Us a Child is Born on the program, said “After this.”

I was devastated.

I was depressed enough when I discovered that we had to stay outside and miss 20 minutes of the performace. I hate to miss Sinfony. It’s supposed to be beautiful and get you right into the mood. And now she told me I’m gonna have to miss my favorite song!? (HL joked, “Shall we go home now?” Man… at least we’ll always have Hallelujah okay? ) I stood by the stairs where I could get the best sounf from inside, trying hard to enjoy the music while the chatters on the corridor became louder and louder. I was anxious. Two songs before “For unto us”, I saw our usher responded to the usher at the other side saying something like “after this?” A sparkle in the darkness. I saw a thin light of hope and I started to pray, “please let me get in before For unto us.” And we did.

I can talk more about the performance, like how disappointed I was at the Soprono who missed at least 3 notes during the entire performance (or I just didn’t like her interpretation?), or how different the conducter decided to present the oratorio from the way I prefer (afterall, I have listened to more than 10 different Messiah recordings. I know my preference when it comes to interpreting Messiah.) But I think I’ll leave this small miracle as my conclusion of the night.

It was beautiful and satisfying
and, darn…. when will my migraine go away?

If so, then you’re not as mature as you claim to be.
Or I guess it just doesn’t.

Continue Reading »

公司的 toaster 壞掉了, 表面上看起來沒事, 但其實下面融掉了.

害我浪費了兩片超好吃的奶油土司, 雖然他們看起來好好的, 但吃下去有熱塑膠的味道. 好討厭 :(

LP 最後那球好可惜, 又是差一點點, 又是中門柱. 不然又是超漂亮的一球.

話說 Given 也太搞笑了.

但是我的緊張, 你看不出來。
你只會感覺到我莫名其妙的疏離。

* * *

‘他’對我而言已經沒有什麼意義，
那首歌，卻還留著當時的感覺…
我才發現，原來周遭的一切都在見證我的生命。

* * *

人常常過分堅持要做自己，其實忘掉自己反而是最舒服的狀態。

* * *

“留下來嘛~~”

* * *

她總是事後才覺得，
如果當時如何如何做，一定會有不一樣的結果。

* * *

敏感的人總是想知道自己在別人眼中是什麼模樣。

* * *

一種方式吧，其實我還挺喜歡妳的啊。
(那麼我有點好奇, 她究竟知不知道.)

* * *

沒有人能長久表現出與他對自己的看法不一致的行為。

* * *

原來我記錄與想像的都只是一瞬間的欣喜
不持久 易淡去
生命不只是這些獨立的點

* * *

人總是以關心之名行滿足自己好奇心之實。

* * *

別讓感覺主導你的行為

* * *

The real loser is the one who avoids losing.

* * *

Sobre los gustos no hay nada escrito.

* * *
…這個時代最可怕的, 是以高喊的聲音壓下內心的空虛,

　　明明一知半解卻要強作解人,

憤怒的張著正義的旗幟剝奪他人發言的機會…

* * *

島小妖風大 池淺王八多 (XD)

* * *

所有透過淚水看到的東西， 都特別美麗，
不管是得的到與得不到，也不管是該不該得到。

忽然想到, 如果之後你們在一起了呢?
大家一定會想, 這樣才對嘛. 他們終究是屬於彼此的.
就像學姐跟那個某人一樣喔.
至少我是這麼覺得的.

有種媳婦熬成婆的感覺啊! 百說不厭.
雖然這個個案裡, 誰是媳婦還不知道呢!

一下子, 忘了原本要說什麼.
只不過是幾分鐘的時間.
錯過, 時機一直錯過, 交談的重心一直錯過
想回過頭 解釋與彌補, 卻太多餘了.
你愛講, 人家也不一定要聽呢. 套句老話.

難道某些人與某些人之間就那麼飄渺, 是註定的
摸不著邊, 只是因某日地震相撞了一下, 終究是摸不著邊
心境的搭不上線, 交談的搭不上線, 態度的搭不上線
你一下高他們正彎下腰, 當他們起身你正好一腳步沒踩穩滾了下去
你講究徵兆, 這是不也算一種呢?

有時真的想放手依賴, 憑什麼
聽著人說我獨立說勇敢說好厲害說佩服
自己在心裡要出了內傷, 一點也不這麼認為
然後伸出雙手抓不到重心, 環顧四周罕無人煙

她語畢的一笑安撫舒解我緊繃的神經
原來仍舊是可以被諒解 即使是誤會一場
實在是不甘願卻又小心翼翼
像抱頭駝鳥一般
終有一天人會受夠了的
那時就沒有人原諒沒有人理了

看到一年半前寫的東西, ecstasy, 笑死我了.
真是天真可愛.
然而又有點遺憾事情並不若想像,
原來並不是那麼極喜的. (還是感覺淡得太快太模糊?)

或者, 也許, 事情真的是這麼個樣子的喔!
只是我莫名其妙地處在另一個位子上 (應該是這樣的吧!)
搞不好坐到我位子的人的心情, 真正如我描述一樣呢.
這麼說來, 不就爽到別人了? 真吃虧 (!?)

為了湊 Amazon 的 free shipping 而買的 (好牽強.) 其實本來就打算買 TWW 一到四季, 然而今年的娛樂預算已經透支了, 所以應該明年再買. 然後 Amazon 上TWW全部半價, 令人非常心動啊! 剛好因為要買的兩本書差一塊錢就可以免運費, 手一滑就把第四季加進去了. 挑第四季的原因是前三季已經看過了, 反正到第四季都還是有口皆碑, 就直接買了. 不然我平時收藏的 DVD 絕對是看過的! (兩次沒看過就買的都是 Sorkin 大神的作品! 很捧場吧! )

剛剛興高采烈地打開包裝, 卻發現跟我預期的不太一樣. 不知道它包裝是又改版了, 還是說第四季的包裝跟前幾季不一樣. 有點討厭. 因為我很喜歡前兩季的包裝的!

其實之前有點掙扎, 因為 series collection 的包裝也挺有趣, 皮質的盒子, 每一季是一張資料夾, 然後前三季原來為人詬病的雙面碟也改成一片一面了. 不過我對 Aaron Sorkin 離開後的 TWW 沒啥興趣, 雖然說 series finale 的最後幾分鐘看起來很令人感動.

For every decision, there’s a consequence.

Day Break is the most anticipated mid-season show this fall, at least for me. And til now, it has lived up to my expectations. ABC started to air previews a month prior to its premiere. At first, some mistook it as a movie, but then the anticipation was built up gradually with a bit revelation every time.

I wanted to watch this show partly because I’m intrigued by how they’re gonna make this story into a series. I have no doubt it’d be a great storyline for a movie, but how are they going to keep the audience watching for several weeks? Some mentioned about Groundhog Day; however, the series reminds me more of Tru Calling. But the difference between them is, Tru has a mission to “save” people and the “longest” day Tru ever had only repeated 4 times, and Brent… even he himself lost count by now.

I’ll say they manage to keep the suspense and variety good enough. I especially like the way they named each episodes, all started with What if’s, and every episode follow a theme. What If They Run, What If He Lets Her Go, What If He Can Change the Day and so on.

It’s a freaking shame that they pulled the show. (I guess it’s partly my fault >< I've never watched it when it's aired on TV. I always catch it few days later on ABC website.) But I'm kinda used to it by now, with Eyes and Related and all the others that were cancelled. However, it's a 13-episode mini-series, why can't you just air them all? Now that the chance for them to release DVD is rather slim, I'm gonna "low key" all the episodes if possible, as I did plan to watch them more than once. Yikes. ps. Chad Shelten is played by Adam Baldwin who played Janye in Firefly/Serenity

What if this is as good as it gets?

你是否也在心底偷偷地這麼問過自己? 萬一就是這樣, 不會更好了. 萬一往後的路上石子都越來越小. 萬一自己就是這麼樣一個無可救藥的人. 萬一這就是你所能達到最高的境界. 如果前進的路上是片玻璃牆, 你看得到遠方卻無法再往前一步. 這不是瓶頸, 不只是很難達成的事, 你要怎麼面對”就是這樣了”?

其實這是部很可愛的電影.

奇怪, GGA忽然跑出來… 我想我永遠記不起來 GGA 是啥時頒的.

我知道 Academy Awards 是三月左右, Tony Awards 是 NBA 季後賽那陣子 (永遠記得第一年在美國看Tony得跟Adam搶電視), Emmy Awards 是九月 (去年提前到八月底)

說到頒獎典禮, 我非常喜歡 2005 年的 Critic’s Choice Award, 於是今年初我就一直念著這個獎, 沒想到非常令人失望. 果然, 主持人是決定典禮好不好的關鍵, Eric McCormack 是那年的主持人, 難怪整場笑聲不斷.

不過今天不是來講頒獎典禮的 (Hugh Jackman, Billy Crystal, Conan O’Brien 都好棒), Golden Globe Awards ceremony 是出了名的無聊, 但即使不看典禮, 它的名單還是有一定的意思在, 因為它的二十五個獎項中囊括電視及電影.
Continue Reading »

(標題是雙關)

Cos it’s been dragging too long, I’m only able to talk about the last part of the book. (Note to myself: do not read multiple long fictions at the same time unless I have the confidence to finish them within a week.) Rex Pickette successfully portraited a middle-aged, not-having-accomplished-much-in-life, recently devorced, seemingly without hope guy. His anger, his frustration, his inability to bond… It was so real and vivid that you can actually understand even if it’s been smooth throughout your life. Well, you probably won’t. But the point is, I could, and I sometimes harmonize with Miles.

I’m sideways now, maybe I’ll write more later… or not.

Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?

Why is he there? Why is he placed there?
You keep looking at him but never make the move.
It’s not like you, the girl who sang Crazy for You.
Or… it’s exactly who you are.

He’s there, completely out of place
like a killed animal head hanging on the wall
satring at you without a word a sound
and you stand there, staring back

What are you thinking?
What’s with the stubborness?
Cut it out, or cover your eyes like an otter
But it’s always hard to avoid the stare

You always feel it
You make yourself feeling it
It’s actually not there
You want it to be there though you want it to be gone

It’s crazy what something you’re used to can do to you
and the desire that coming from nowhere
urging you to take the chance
to do something futile

You don’t even want to grasp
Concentrate. Here.
It’s like a drop of coler in the water
slowly fades away

tout est calme et tranquille

is it?

知道 BDB 約是四到六年前的事, 我記得那是在女二燈光昏暗的第三間, 我讀那張破報.
好奇心被撩起, 那時卻不是特別喜歡.
在 Border’s 巧遇 BDB 新專輯, 看在老時光, 昏暗燈光的份上, 我拿起耳機.

略低滑順而飽滿的嗓音, 不是我熟悉習慣的曲風, 我一首一首接一首聽下去.
被領進另一個世界.

別笑我鄉巴佬, 大驚小怪.
發現, 或是重新認識, 又一個打動心神的人事物總是令人顫抖.

星期五下班後, 到 Club Sport 舒展兩下, 泡了spa, 蒸了 steam, 整理梳洗然後到 Pasta Pomodoro 享用一碟 Panna Cotta (新寵, eggless vanilla bean custard with strawberries marinated in lemon and grappa) 與 Illy Latte, 然後開心地把 Sideways 倒數第二章看完.

吃飽喝足晃到隔壁的 Borders, 又… 看到了幾本想看的書. 包括 Coetzee 的 Slow Man (他的屈辱我到現在還沒看…), 還有 Cormac McCarthy 的 No Country for Old Men. 記得他嗎? 因為 Hope of the States 的一首 Blood Meridian 讓我知道這位作家, 而在同一週中連續撞見他的兩本書 (No Country for Old Men 與 The Road, 但我對前者興趣較大.) 我相信這是個徵兆, 所以我應該要挪時間出來看看. (我很相信徵兆, 雖然說上周某個車牌的第一個數字是奇數讓我打了一通我有點後悔的電話… anyways.)

然後昨晚跟貓還有阿媽聊了一個多小時, 上床時已經一兩點, 仍忍不住抓起床邊的書翻一翻. 挑了蘇偉貞的離家出走, 因為是短篇. 挑了”從前, 有一個公主和一個王子”. 你不會料到這樣名字的一段故事竟會帶給我時淺時深的感懼. 那是種關於現實無可奈何無藥可救的恐懼. 被困住無路可走只得面對應付, 心裡問自己一百遍為什麼他婚後變了個人. 然後想到了 The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood 裡面的 Vivi, Ashley Judd 扮演的那段. 那樣的崩潰與瘋狂建立在原本蓬勃的生命力上, 一般人還不就庸碌得過且過, 一輩子, 套句湯敏她先生的說法, 窩裡窩囊.

But sometimes it’s hard not to take it personally.

It’s partly caused by self-centeredism, which sometimes hurts ourselves, surprisingly.

Sam left, because that’s who he is.

You knew when you saw him passed the studio by glancing at her for the very last time.

But you imagined being at her place.

Thought you had convinced him for staying and he left without an official goodbye.

How you’d fall. You knew it’s who he is. He told you with true sincerity.

Still, at least deep within, you’d doubt yourself.

You’d take it personally.

We always, perhaps unconsciously, hope that we can change them,

we can melt them down,

we’re the persons coming to their rescue and turns out we are not.

Sometimes, it’s really simple.

It’s not us; it’s them.

It’s not me; it’s you.