I am Your Sunshine

非文科出身, 我讀的東西往往很大眾很一般. Austen, Bronte 姐妹… 等, 卻從未聽過 Elizabeth Gaskell. 挑到 Wives and Daughters 是個美妙的意外, 我一向喜愛 BBC 出品的迷你影集 (Ivanhoe 除外, 每想到就心痛一次.) 95年的 Pride & Prejudice 就不用說了, 99年的 The Scarlet Pimpernel 都在我收藏之中, 今年, 喔不是去年! 的 Jane Eyre 也是非常棒的製作. 借回來之後剛好 Selina 又再 blog 上提了一下, 我就更加留心. 不然以最近又忙又煩的程度我很有可能放個兩周又原封不動地把它還給圖書館.

Andrew Davies 的 Wives and Daughters 帶我回到熟悉的維多利亞時代, 好像找到了新的 Jane Austen 材料. 我像井底之蛙一樣驚喜地發現除了 Jane Austen 之外還有別人用如此細膩的手法書寫那個充滿束縛卻又可愛的世界, 或者我該說, 我極喜愛她們筆下那些有長處有短處, 在瑣碎事務在現在看來無謂的社會拘束之中卻天真善良有自省能力的可愛人物. Elizabeth Gaskell 跟 Jane Austen 不同之處在於 Austen 的筆觸帶著聰慧的辛辣, 她三吋牙雕間染著讓人微笑的 cynicism, 而 Elizabeth Gaskell 感覺起來比較寬容, 她筆下的人物可愛可厭都有其背後可諒解的原因, 似乎很難去對裡面的角色產生太大的反感.

三百分鐘長的 Wives and Daughters, 其中 Cynthia 對 Molly 說的一段話震了我一下. 忽然看到了 Cynthia 與我之間的相似性, 在那一刻這個故事對我又有了更深的意義. 我不會很沒有自知之名地硬要說自己哪裡像 Molly. 然而年輕的 Molly 那樣溫柔堅毅又一點也不畏縮, 看似柔弱的肩上可以承受的壓力, 更可以支持別人的哀慟, 看了讓我忍不住暗暗期許自己也能那樣堅立, 有勇氣面對及承擔誤會. 雖然從頭到尾 Molly 根本像是個十足的”好人”典範, 有時實在忍不住要陪她一起輕嘆, 但最後她也有個非常美好的結局, 也許可以算是給眾好人的一點鼓勵與安慰吧. 無論如何, 能夠不要耍心機不是一件很好的事嗎? :)

來說一些八卦吧.

一開始 Mr. Coxe 出現時我就發現他不就是 Coupling 的 Jeff 嗎! 雖然在劇中他只出現一下, 看來也不是像 Jeff 那樣 wacky 的角色, 但我覺得他說話與表演的方式都差不多, 有點熟悉又錯置的感覺. 另外劇中也有其搭我早該認出卻是看完後查 imdb 才恍然大悟的演員. 像是我很喜歡的 Lady Harriet, 這個聰慧帥氣的角色由 Rosamund Pike 飾演, 而她就是在 2006 我不怎麼喜歡的 P&P 裡的 Jane, 然而我覺得她在 Wives and Daughters 裡的演出迷人多了! 再來就是 Molly 的繼姊 Cynthia 是由 Keeley Hawes, Spooks 裡的 Zoe, 演出, 沒有認出她來真是不應該! 但是本來古裝跟現代的感覺就差很多呀! 而主角 Molly 是 1999 可怕版本 Mansfield Park 裡的 Julia Bertram; Osbourne 是 2006 P&P 的 Mr. Collins, Squire Hamley 是我們的 Dumbledore. 話說看了 Keeley Hawes 的古裝表演, 我覺得由她來演 Lizzy Bannet 也許是個不錯的選擇, 我相信她只要收掉在 Wives and Daughters 裡面的 fickleness, 她可以是個很棒的 Lizzy.

HL mentioned the song to me the other day, it was used in ST:DS9. He was complaining about why good persons always suffer and how Charly declared this song as the ultimate “Good Men” song.

The clip is kindly provided by Locutus (okay, I stole the link from HL) from a scene in ST:DS9 Tears Of The Prophets. In the clip, Julian Bashir (my eye candy of DS9) and Quark were the two losers Vic sang to.

lyrics as follows Continue Reading »

[updated, originally posted on Nov 16 2005] Kylie Minogue 的版本還不錯, 不過好像是對嘴. (one of my fav Xmas song)

第一次聽到這首歌是在布法羅的時候，
那陣子我當成鬧鐘的廣播總是播著聖誕歌，就像現在的 Koit 96.5 一樣。
某一個還賴在Creekside舒服的雙人床上的早晨，
聖誕歌一首一首在耳邊響起，我卻還不想起來，
直到它開始放起了這首 Santa Baby

Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue
I’ll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, Santa honey, Santa cutie…

可愛的讓我逼自己清醒好聽清楚她在唱什麼。

最近KOIT也放了幾次這首歌，好像是 Madonna 唱的
不是我不喜歡 Madonna，但說真的她唱的比我之前聽到的版本遜多了
可惜我不知道是誰唱的…

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[updated] 找到 video
好聽! 好笑名字的新人~

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是誰聽到你的吶喊, 只是你坐在床前的喃喃
聽到了, 便著手安排.

於是隔日你與他相遇.

相遇隔日.

滿地輕葉隨風撩起又順道撩了別的什麼.
秋末冬初的寒風不溫柔,
在左顧右盼時紙片嘩嘩而過那傷卻是又小又痛.

那夜, 是誰聽到你的吶喊.
似假又成了真, 是誰. 捲入不忍捲入的 竟似澎湃波濤的碎
放也不捨拿又不願, 重量擱在心上即便遙在遠方.

聽者必不用心, 又或是生手
你怨, 又何比得上他恨, 而一般無措 無處傾洩
秋葉離去的細枝針扎心肺細碎折磨每一條神經而清晨醒來那酸得再無法入睡
無語環視一室寂靜仍止不住如潮起落的寒流

If you wanna learn, you can learn a lot from almost anything.

在文學或是電視裡的用典很常見, 用得酸了叫掉書袋, 但用得恰到好處就是錦上添花, 更讓人再三回味餘韻無窮. 有時用典像是圈內人的私房笑話, 懂了就會心一笑, 對到說者的眼中那因為發現你懂得意涵而散發出來的光彩, 什麼比這更迷人呢? 而就算一時之間沒意會出來, 也許那超出你涉獵的範圍 (人本來就無法全知全能嘛), 但若有心, 找找查查之後恍然大悟的感覺也很不錯!

用典是 Aaron Sorkin 作品中除了為人稱道的理想氣息之外另一個極吸引人的特點, 我想這已經提到不用再提了. 然而其實各種東西小則一首歌大至… (我不知道怎麼樣的東西才算大 XD) 往往都可以在其中發掘那看似不經心微不足道的一小片段背後的故事, 而相遇的過程也增添了閱讀/觀賞/聆聽的樂趣.

The Operative: That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain.
Mal: The way I remember it, albatross was a ship’s good luck, ’til some idiot killed it. Yes, I’ve read a poem. Try not to faint.

Albatross 的故事出自 Samuel Taylor Coleridge 的 The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. 看完覺得 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest 好像跟這有點關係或是相似感.

I was on my way to work when I first heard this song. It touched me, you know one of the reasons I love country is because of its down to earth stories. As I was driving on N 880, I switched to KRTY cos RadioAlice was too funky for this morning. After Aaron Trippin’s It’s Friday, Carrie’s voice rised, I hummed with the song and tears started to accumulate in my eyes. The song seemed more powerful than the first time I heard it. Perhaps it has something to do with being in the end of the year with a lot on my mind and kinda not sure about my way.

Are you talking to me? Aber ich verstehe nicht…

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今天早上一來就看到我混亂的桌前擺了一瓶 BV. 沒有任何紙條, 查了所有的 email 跟 voice mail 都沒有半點線索是誰送的. 我猜是 BM, 昨天去幫他修東西時就看到他一整桌的 BV 酒, 他說因為他有加入 wine club. 不過, 如果要送我酒的話, 好歹要跟我說一聲唄, 不然我怎麼知道是誰送的呢? 再說, Xmas 已經過了耶, 怎麼忽然送我酒.

最糟糕的是… 為什麼是給我 Chardonnay 啊!!
所有的酒裡面, 我唯一不喝的就是 Chardonnay. Merlot 雖然不愛, 還是勉強可以喝, 但我真的是不碰 Chardonnay 的呀. 你給我 Cab 或是 Pinot 也好呀 ><~ 難道這是天意嗎? White Elephant 給我抽到 Chardonnay (謎: 為什麼你會自己去挑看起來就是酒瓶的禮物?) 好心的 Jimmin 用杯子跟我換, 結果現在又一瓶 Chardonnay 入手. 講究徵兆的我, 不得不相信這冥冥之中有些奇妙了. 也許自上次從甜白晉升到紅酒之後, 我下一個挑戰就是接受白酒之王 Chardonnay 呢! (可我還是想厚著臉皮去找他問可不可以換成 Cab...)

上禮拜 Amazon 好像又在 sale, 稍一遲疑又通通漲到可怕的價錢了
Firefly $19.99 -> $39.99
The West Wing s1, s2, s3 $29.99 -> $53.98

真難過.

然後我永遠也買不到 Stray Don’t Sleep 是怎樣

Look, I guarantee there’ll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you’re the only one for me.

JR said, in Runaway Bride.

Maybe I should check the movie out. (I can totally picture the way she says “Look, “) The rating hinders me though.

Great, 現在我搞不清楚我當初想要找的歌究竟是 Sheryl Crow 的還是 Coldplay 的了.
我寧願相信是 Sheryl Crow.

No one said it would be easy
But no one said itd be this hard

這首歌在她第一張專輯 Tuesday Night Music Club,
1993 年發行, 至今都十三年了. 想當初我買的時候還是買錄音帶的呢!

有時候, 新東西帶給我們不同的感受, 但老東西總是有回憶的甜, 而累年不膩.

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Some changes are irreversible.

I’ve been thinking about this lately, and HL mentioned this today.

Some changes will do you good, but you regret about some changes and the sad thing is you’re not able to switch back to who you were before. Am I going to allow myself to be dark and twisted? B(!?) but damaged? How far am I willing to go? I gotta determine what it is that I’m not willing to sacrifice and protect it dearly, parts that I cherish and value, characteristics that I love myself about. But on the other hand, I long to explore and exceed myself. And finding balance between things is never my specialty. Too fast, too much, I’m usually overwhelmed by my own feelings, can’t see clearly, can’t think straight. View’s always biased so what’s the point of trying to figure it out?

Here I am, doing all the thinking, but I know when it (it can be anything) happens, I’d be stunned and speechless.

Resistance is futile.

YOU SUCK!

Went to see the new comedy in Palo Alto 2 weeks ago. 2 hours well spent.
It’s a small venue with a small production; however, all the actor and actresses were really awesome!

The idea is simple. We sometimes would hope that things we cannot change can be different. Like, I bet Grace really hoped Will to be straight. But once it does, we probably don’t find it as fantastic as we imagine. I guess it’s nice to be able to probe the possibility. However, damages are highly possible to be done. It’s a comedy so it had a happy ending. In real life, we don’t encounter magic very often (or we usually don’t knoe even if we do), it’s hard to really know how things would turn around with if’s. When if happens, it’s usually irreversible. Cos people are not a bunch of procedure and formula.

Anyway, the important thing is… to keep the yuletide gay ;)

This is the third movie I watched in a row in the past three days. The other two were Death Becomes Her and Big Sleep, a classic black comedy and a classic hard-boild adaptation starring Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart. I’ve been waiting to watch Kissing Jessica Stein for quite a while and finally got around to it.

On the road of finding what we really want for life, we make mistakes and we make friends as well. I guess it’s a beautiful angle to look at life. Yes, we get hurt and sometimes hurt others. Things won’t necessarily turn out the way we anticipate. We refuse to accept it. We try to hold on to it. Futileness overwhelms us. You know it’s not the end of the world, but it sure feels so to you. You know about the silver linen; it’s just hard to comprehend when all you can see is doubtfulness. But everything’s gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be fine. =)

Jessica: We have nothing in common. You don’t appreciate the chaos and absurdity of life. You don’t understand irony, or ethnicity, or the eccentricity of poetry, or the simple joy of being a regular at the diner on your block – I love that. You don’t drink coffee or alcohol, you don’t cry when you’re alone, you don’t understand sarcasm. You plod through life in a colorless, caffeine free, dairy free, conflict free, banal, self-possessed way.

I’m bold and angry and tortured and tremendous and I notice when somebody’s changed their hair part, when someone is wearing two very distinctly different shades of black or when someone changes the natural tammer of their voice on the phone. I don’t give out empty praise. I’m not complacent, or well adjusted. I can’t spend 50 minutes breathing and stretching and getting in touch with myself; I can’t even spend 3 minutes finishing an article. I check my phone machine nine times every day and I can’t sleep at night because I feel that there’s so much to do and change in the world – and I wonder every day if I’m making a difference, and if I will ever express the greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed by the muddled madness inside my head.

I’ve wept at every birthday I’ve ever had because life is huge and fleeting; and I hate certain people in certain shoes. And I feel that life is terribly unfair – and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary, and also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable. And I hate myself a lot of the time; the rest of the time I adore myself and I adore my life in this city and in this world that we live in – this huge and wondrous, bewildering and brilliant…yet horrible world.

有點點壞掉的感覺…

大概過去幾天大吃大喝太誇張了.
來吃點清淡的好了. 我不要胃壞掉.

最近 Selina 的 blog 實在讓我驚喜連連. 她談到已經被我淡忘的 Anne Hathaway 的 Becoming Jane (這其實是驚嚇.) 還有幾部製作中的 Austen 作品, 以及一堆我想看或是我正在看的小說 (The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Jane Asuten Book Club,) 一窩蜂地拍成電影. 我一點也趕不上它們的速度啊.

前幾天去看電影, 看了一堆預告幾乎都是 sequel, Spiderman, Shrek, Fantastic Four… 等等.

感覺電影界有點缺乏靈感了.

A very powerful song. It caught me at prelude. Can’t help but listening to it over and over.

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People kept asking this. I had a great time, chilled with Jas, ate all kinda good food and shopped a little. Christmas time should be spent with family. :)

One thing I found funny. I didn’t bring too many accessories cos I know I can always borrow some from Jas. So this time I only brought my Tiffany bracelet with H.Y.C. on it. On Christmas eve, we went to Jack’s place in Irvine for hot pot and jacuzzi party. (Jack’s Jim’s friend who’s a friend of Jas’ and Andrea’s.) Before departing, Jas decided not to wear the dress(?) she bought the night before cos Rachel might wear it, and I decided not to wear the necklace I just bought cos the other girl might wear it. All of us tried not to 撞衫 or 撞項鍊. But when 8 of us sitting at the table for hot pot, I found myself 撞手鍊 with another girl. XD

Tiffany everywhere. The girl sitting beside me at the airport has a similar bracelet on (mine is heart shape and hers’ round.) and one of the flight attendant also had a same style necklace.

Anyways, back to the more “pristine” Bay Area, real life’s waiting to be dealt with.

We all know about this, but to say is one thing, to do another.

You can rationalize all you like but when you’re in the middle of something, probability and statistics are all crap, as long as there are people involved.

It’s one of my excuse for not learning probability and statistics well (the other reason is that I don’t like impure mathematics.) They have their meaning and their value of existance, but you can’t generalize people and natural randomness. We know the accident rate of all kinds of transportation; however, one might die of something ridiculously rare. What will happen will happen. I’m not talking about fate. I’m just saying… I don’t believe in probability and statistics.

I’m drifting too far away. There are times we think we’re ready to face things, to deal with stuffs, and it turns out we aren’t. Not that we don’t know ourselves well. We just can never be sure how we’d react, and ometimes all you can do is just put the statistics together. And you’ll never know what other people would do. You think of all the possible scenario, from the best to the worst. But most of the time, it turns out to be the one you least expected, something ridiculous that you cannot even imagine, let along coming up with a plan to deal with it. People lie; even if they don’t want to; sometimes they don’t even know they are lying. We should all try to be honest at least to ourselves. It’s pathetic to lie to oneself, consciously or not. You might live happier, but it’s still pathetic.