I am Your Sunshine

[updated w/ video]
Russ Lorenson performs

(originally posted on Nov 13 2005)

KOIT開始全天放著聖誕音樂，舊金山的聖誕節，what a lovely place to be。
有人可能要大搖其頭不同意，或著撇撇嘴翻翻白眼。
所以我也沒辦法說，
It’s the closest thing to heaven. How I wish that you were here.
於是又變得很矛盾且彆扭奇怪了。
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想了一下.

今天想到了 Take the Lead 的 slogan. Every dream begins by taking one step. Take the lead, never follow. 掌握自己的方向, take initiative, 不要讓別人左右你的下一步.

有時候會不小心矯枉過正.
有時候以眼還眼似乎是最直覺的作法, 然而那從來不是我的風格. 不是格調的堅持, 而是我自己的習慣與個性. 有些事我做, 有些事我就是不做的. 有些事就是不在我的天性內, 沒有必要勉強改掉良善溫和的一面.
有人曾告訴我, 別人怎麼對待他, 他就用怎麼樣的態度回應. 直到對方 go too low 到一個底限, 那麼他就會停止任何回應. 但再多看一兩層進去, 這不就是讓對方決定你的行為?

處處都是影響是限制, 繞過一個又跨進另一個. 當你因為別人的行為而想要改變自己的作法時, 最不知所措的還是自己, 患得患失, 因為你心裡真正想要做的, 也許又是另一個故事. 只是你受夠被擺弄的局勢, 你想要攬回主導權, 沒想到又是被另一條看不到的線牽動著. 其實也不用想破頭, 褪盡心機, 做你知道是對的事. 也許你討厭的人因此獲益, 也真的沒有關係. (雖然嘔是一定的!)

最後, 有時直覺也是可以保護自己的. 當下依直覺的反應也許你無法解釋無法 rationalize, 往往在事後發現之所以如此行的用意. 一個關於自己的決定, 並不一定要馬上向別人交代.

This morning, the sweet voice of Angie Hart visited my brain unexpectedly. (Dec 1 2006)

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第一次看到預告時沒有注意到這又是一部新的 007, 直到某天看見另一張海報上 James Bond Gun Logo 才恍然大悟. (話說這張海報上 Daniel Craig 看起來超像 Ed Harris, 這也是為什麼我沒有想到會是 007 電影的原因之一.) 我沒有去查太多資料, 反正 James Bond 電影是一定會看的.

在電視上看到預告時, 大家有志一同地認為這位 Bond 氣勢不夠, 理應風流倜儻從容自信的 James Bond 竟由稍嫌小頭銳面的 Daniel Craig 擔綱演出. 話說 2004 年開始尋找新任 Bond, 傳說中名單上有 Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Orlando Bloom, Eric Bana, Jack Davenport, Ralph Fiennes, Clive Owen 等人, 單就外型而言, 有好幾個都比 Daniel Craig 還要適合. (私心是很想看 Jack Davenport 演 Bond, 雖然有點無法想像他打鬥的畫面. ) 不過除卻他看起來有點像天線寶寶的頭, 以及不怎麼美的眼睛. Daniel Craig 所詮釋的年輕氣盛浮躁有餘穩重不足的 James Bond, 還是可圈可點.

我無法描述這部電影給我的感覺, 一切都有點零散. 也許是因為大部份的時間我還在努力適應不夠帥氣的 James Bond, 剩下的時間大概都專注在美到不行的 Eva Green 身上.

Casino Royale (2006) 改編自 Ian Fleming 的第一本 Bond 同名小說, 然而電影的背景是擺在現代. 於是對付的目標不再是冷戰時代的邪惡蘇聯, 而是援助恐怖份子的投資家. 但是 Casino Royale 的角色並不是作為前面二十部龐德電影的前傳, 而算是重起一個時間線, 新的 James Bond, 新的世界, 新的故事. 下一部 Bond 22 預計在 2008 年底發行, 官方還沒透露究竟會沿用 Ian Fleming 的作品還是寫一個原創故事, 但是 Bond 22 極有可能是第一部真正的 Bond 續集電影. 拭目以待.

Got a newlettler from Lawrence Block this morning. Apparently he sends out newsletters once a season. In the newsletter, I read about his 60’s work, Lucky in Card, which is gonna be republished next month, and his movie project with Wong Kar-Wai, My Blueberry Nights! How exciting it is. I sort of miss his TV project last year; this time, I’m not gonna miss his movie.

ps. His Scudder novel “A Walk Among the Tombstones” is in pre-production. Thrilled about it. But if they’re not gonna shoot it decently, I’d rather keep the story in my head.

Yesterday evening around 5, I got a call from Debbie (中山/交大學妹) who’s studying in N. Carolina right now (and it turned out to be S. Carolina and then Ohio… I got it completely wrong. orz) She told me she’s here for interview and she’s gonna fly back the next morning. Havn’t seen her since graduate, I abandoned my plans for the evening (gym, back to office to work on sth that has to be done after hour and on site, grocery shopping, cook, TV catch-up) without hesitation.

On my way to pick her up, I struggled with ideas of where to take her. I wanna make it a fun night for her. I decided on Santana Row, which now seems like a silly idea. Just when I was getting on I880S, she said, “I want Taiwanese food!!!!!” Alas, how could I have not thought of it?! I’m so used to the availability of Chinese/Taiwanese food in the Bay Area that I forgot she’s from where Asian cuisine is very limited. So we ended up having bubble milk tea, fried chicken, pork cutlet and etc. After dinner, I decided to show her what people do after work – D&B! We circled the entire premise and settled at MAZEN. I played first cos I’m the host (or usually I’ll ask chun to go first.) I couldn’t concentrate fully cos during the half way of the game, I felt some guy stood closely behind me, saying something like “Smile, pretty girl!” (then I got hit, and he said, “Ooops, oh, don’t smile!”) I died in the Washitsu with 70K and ranked 2nd of that day. I was only 4K less than the first. I could have totally beaten him! Then I let Debbie try the game, standing at her side watching and cheering. And a guy approached. Apparently he’s the one resulted in my low score. He told me that he’s from Michigan, was in the navy and whatnot. I was kinda annoyed cos he stood very close to me. Guess I was too polite. :( It’s a flaw of Asian girls that other people often take advantage of. Anyway, Debbie finished 50K which is very impressive! (I scored only 30K the first time.) We played Police911 and race car and used up all my chips and went home.

It’s a nice evening :)
I’m always thrilled by friends’ visit!

Seeing how Miles compromised for money and for long-term friendship, I gradually understand X’s choice back then. I still cannot forgive, but then I know if I were him, I’d probably do the same. It’s just a simple question, if you inevitably are gonna get someone hurt, who would you choose. In the movie, Maya cannot believe how Miles could knowingly let things happen. For me, the wound is deeper. Maya and Miles were both bystanders in Jack’s horrendous prenup act. I was the one involved and hit directly by this so-called friendship. Well, the past is the past. I’ve already let it go. But history tends to repeat itself in whatever format it seems fit. And you’d be amazed by how people measure the importance of different things. The peace between bare acquantances and a possible life-long friend and soul mate. What were they thinking, you frowned. Sometimes, it’s just plain playing-it-safe, nothing more.

The book lost a little bit of its taste when being dragged too long. Actions one followed another packed tightly together and a billowing surge of emotions overwhelmes. I’m left breathless, forbidden to use words, and forbidden to express myself. Or why can’t I yell when I feel like exploding? Why do I have to contain it when it’s flooding everywhere? It’s so strong that you’d understand even if I’m talking nonsense. So what the silence is about? I’m left in the unfathomable nothing and ironically I heard my own voice saying “a leap in the dark” and I pictured you laughing at my face. Where did it go wrong?

上班途中 Star 1013 放起 The Fray 的 How to save a life (平常不太聽 Star 101.3, 但是今早每台都在廣告, 睡眠不足又不太想聽 Sarah & No Name 開玩笑.) 看著窗外爽朗的藍卻是刺骨的寒, 忽然發覺 Isaac Slade 與秋天極搭. 奇妙的是這個秋天至今還沒有引發一次我的 Round Here 心情, 也許是我一直將自己撐在某個界線之上, 而工作上的挫折並不會勾起濃濃的傷春悲秋, 但有種手一軟就萬劫不復的心慌. Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night. 我聽到隨之響起的鋼琴聲?

本來以為是講感情的歌, 聽一聽發現應該是在發洩因為她們公開反 Bush 而幾乎變成全民公敵的心情. 前陣子看到幾部電影/紀錄片的預告, 都是跟音樂界的人有關. 一部是 The U.S. vs. John Lennon, 另一部就是 Dixie Chicks 的 Shut Up And Sing. 兩部紀錄片攜手釋出, 也許是要藉著 Lennon 挺一下 Dixie Chicks? 無論如何, 兩部我都蠻想看的.

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這首歌讓我想去聽 DR 的演唱會了 (Moni 會嫉妒死)

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There are some rules you follow, some you set them yourself. But sometimes you just follow where your heart leads. When you emphasize something too much, you know that you’re losing balance. The universe has its perfect balance. But we tend to lose perspective from time to time. Some people are lost forever and some manage to find their way back.

When you swing with the music, your mind wanders. You have ambitions yet you got tired easily. You set your thoughts loose and something tingles your face. You’re treated funny; you try to put it behind. Each clash makes sparkles and hurt; every moan sours your every bone. You look far far away and lose focus. You don’t know what to care about anymore. Trembles from your finger tips. But you don’t sigh, you hold it in your chest… which makes a smokey cloud and you can see the one standing in the other side of the room. You walk over and sing the song. Craziness is like the ancient history we all miss. You can feel pieces of you circling in the air. You lose yourself at the moment you find yourself.

and you dance. now you dance.

darn. I’m always like that.

they’re definitely delayed and even oppressed.

Rory and Logan just had a fight but they made up a day later. I’ve always thought Logan is the right person for Rory. Dean is nothing but athlete charm and Jess is a total freak… Ooops, wrong show, Jess is way too sentimental and mercurial (& touchy.) Logan, on the other hand, seems to match Rory perfectly. I like it when he calls her Ace.

I see myself in her. The people in her life, the panic attack she had when reliving her editororial duty… they made me think and I can’t help but feeling being too slow.

Anyways, reflection ends here.

The past few days were Thanksgiving long weekend plus my birthday. It was one of the best. Superb company, glorious weather, mind-freeing scenery, not to mention all the wine we tasted. It’s what we’d call “天時地利人和”.

Thursday morning, Hui, Eugene and I took off around 3, which turned out to be a wise decision cos none of the wineries was open. (Not that we’d be bored if we’d arrived early. We’ve got all kinds of board games, plus Mah Jon.) We got to our luxurios vacation house around 5, explored the place a bit and jumped right into the hot tub on the deck. After we were all warm and well cooked, we went back to make dinner: steam crab, chicken pasta, stir fried veggie and a bottle of complimentary red wine courtesy of the owner.

(check out more photos of our vacation house here)

Friday morning Hui made us breakfast and we met the rest of the people (Huang, Josie, Dolly, Welton) at Mayo. We’re here for the Annual Holiday Open House held by Heart of Sonoma Valley. There were 17 winery participated in this event and we visit 9 of them:
Benziger Family Winery (we went there twice for my Pinot), Eric Ross Winery (I’m not a Zin person, but their Zin was surprisingly good), Mayo Family Winery (Didn’t tasted the famous Gewurz but still got 3 bottles home), Audelssa Wine & Navillus Birney Winery & Vineyards (pity that we missed the Pinot, but we’ve got Pinot chocolate sauce), Valley of the Moon Winery (Another surprising Zin), Kenwood Vineyards, Loxton Cellars, SL Cellars, VJB Vineyards & Cellars

Aside from the wine, the scenery gave me extraordinary satisfaction. The sky so huge and blue with autumn colours dangled here and there. Been here so many times, I’ve never known this kinda beauty is available dear and near. My old self is reviving, the one who likes to stand in front of 19G and be amazed by the sky, the one who desires to breathe in all the nature’s beauty, the one who secretly opens her arms and drown in happiness.

Friday night we rested a bit in bed and in hot tub, and went out for a grand dinner at Glen Ellen Inn. We had calamari, lamb, duck breast, salad, and Mahi Mahi. Of course we opened a bottle of wine. The old waiter with French accent (real or bogus) realized that I’m the picky one and let me taste few of his recommendation. I picked a Mueller Pinot with a beautiful name – Emily’s Cuvee. Food were awesome and wine too. For dessert, we had creme brulee (again), chocolate torte w/ homemade peanut butter ice cream (I ordered this because I want the ice cream), something something trapped in chocolate cage, and I also got a passion fruit sorbet as birthday dessert from our waiter.

We went home and played Settler (I think I’m getting it! Gotta play it again!!) and I’ve also got a birthday present from Hui. She’s super sweet!!!

Saturday, we visited 3 more wineries and some olive & chocolate shops, and we headed Point Reyes for Oyster. It was so cold in Point Reyes but the oysters were good and we got to see the spetacular sunset by the water.

And happy birthday. Cheers to a whole new year with a fresh start, determination and dreams.

看到 Kevin 的照片, 才驚訝地發現原來台北也會有漂亮的天空.

We all have the time that we wanna tell someone “Gib mir die Hand, ich bau dir ein Schloss aus Sand irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann.” but at some point you’d realize it’s not enough. Sandschloss will erode; a real building will be a lot nicer.

But no matter what, it still lightens you when you hear that song.

This was what I’ve been doing since last Friday… XD

Nevermind, nevermind. I’m just talking through the wine, and you know that drinking always makes me sad. But before this night is through, I better say love you, or I’m gonna always wish that I had.

(Just finished quite a few in the past week… notby myself though)
Here is my current collection (* means newly acquried)

Reds:
(Cab)
2000 Robert Mondavi Stag’s Leap Dist Cabernet Sauvignon
2002 Robert Mondavi Stag’s Leap Dist Cabernet Sauvignon
2001 Noah Cabernet Sauvignon
2005 Eric Ross Late Harvest Cabernet Sauvignon *

(Other)
2003 Valley of the Moon Estate Old Vine Zinfandel * (x2 cos its cheap)
2004 Eric Ross Old Vine Zinfandel *
2003 Benziger Pinot Noir *
2002 Reignac Bordeaux Superieur
2006 Joseph Drouchin Beaujulais Nouveau

Rose:
2005 V. Sattui Gamay Rouge (寄放)

Dessert:
2005 Mayo Late HArvest Gewurztraminer (x4 兩瓶是 Jas 的)
2005 Ledson Orange Muscat
2004 Robert Mondavi Muscat’O (寄放)
2004 Peller Estates Icewine (Vidal Blanc)

我的房間快被酒箱子佔滿了… 正在物色好酒架中!

前兩瓶 RM 的 SLD Cab 是我的 all time favorite, 分別是 00 跟 02年, 其實我最早喝的是 01 年. 這兩瓶是 Cindy 前幾周幫我帶從 NAPA 回來的. Noah 的 Cab 是跟 Hui 去 Vally of the Monn fest 時我們分別買給對方的. 最後一瓶 Late Cab 其實應該算是甜酒類, 沒有試過直接買, 因為沒喝過 Late Cab, 加上瓶子又很特別就敗下去了! (Cab 應該是不會讓我失望的吧)

接下來莫名其妙有三瓶 Old Vine Zin, 這次去 Sonoma 沒有買到我喜歡的 Cab, 反而是我不怎麼欣賞的 Zinfandel 有幾支不錯的, VOTM 的 Old Vine Zin 味道很豐富, 同樣的 Eric Ross 的 Zin, 我們大家本來差點都要 pass 了, 只是酒鬼我在 pourer 問我要不要試試時, 我遲疑一下還是點了頭, 沒想到一嘗之下驚為天人, 趕快叫 Hui 也嘗嘗, 結果最後我們都買了 Zin. Benziger 的 Pinot 仍是我這趟喝到最棒的酒, Benziger 是我們第一天拜訪的第二家酒莊, 跟 Pinot 不熟的我在喝到它時就感覺到它的出色, 反倒是他們家的 Reserve Cab 非常不怎麼樣, 其實算是好喝的, 但是就是平凡無奇, 一點也不值 $49, 我寧願花 $60 買 RM 的 Cab. Bordeaux 是我在 Costco 買的宴客用酒 (我的宴客用酒也要一瓶二十好幾 orz) 最後一瓶是今年的薄酒萊新酒! 希望趕快有良辰吉時可開, 不想放太久 ^^

Rose 是有人寄放的, 看來也是用 Gamay 釀的酒. (越來越多人喜歡在我家寄酒了…orz 但是有個壞處是, 可能會被我一個人喝掉 XD)

進入到白酒, 我已經大概一年多不喝白酒了, 只會偶爾喝點甜白, 尤其是有朋友來時, 甜白通常是接受度最廣的酒.

第一個 Mayo 的 Gewurz. 話說去年夏天 NAPA 之行 Muscato 擄獲了大家的心, 今年 Sonoma Mayo Family Winery 的 Late Gewurz 讓大家輕易地移情別戀. 濃郁的果香光聞著就滿腔幸福. 今夏買了兩支喝了一支, 這次又補了一支, 幫 Jas 買了兩支, 因此現在手邊有四支… XD Ledson 的 Orange Muscat 也是今夏戰利品, 非常清順爽口. Muscato 即使比不上 Late Gewurz, 也還是很棒的酒啦, 目前寄在我家冰箱中, 希望沒有神奇消失. 最後就是我的珍藏之一, Niagara on the Lake 的冰酒!!! 上次開的另一瓶 Vidal 現在想起都還會醺醺然呢!

另外還有兩瓶開了還沒喝完的 Roseonbaum Desiree (巧克力甜酒) 跟 EOS Muscato (Late Harvest Paso Robles)

對了, 此行戰利品還有 Navillus Birney 的 Pinot Noir Chocolate Sauce 一瓶!! :D

For those who cannot make up their minds

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Monday
Heroes: 開演前大多數的人持懷疑態度, 第一集便讓人愛上, 看越多集越上癮. 標語是 “Ordinary people discover extraordinary abilities” 的這個影集 (標語並不是 “Save the cheerleader, save the world” XD) 劇中每個主角不論能力還是個性都各有特色, 人物塑造得鮮明有活力, 也不會因為角色眾多分支繁雜而顯得支離破碎. 可說是本季最令人興奮的新劇.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Aaron Sorkin 新作, 眾死忠 Aaron Sorkin 迷, The West Wing 迷引頸企盼的後台故事影集 (back stage show). 我們都記得 The West Wing 是如何用輕鬆且感性的態度敘述嚴肅的故事, 也希望 Aaron Sorkin 再次帶給我們更多感動以及串連周邊知識的樂趣. 一季走了三分之一, Studio 60 漸漸確定了自己的調性與風格, 各個角色也越來越立體, 恭喜 Studio 60 簽下完整一季的約!

Tuesday
Dancing with the Stars: 第三季. 一路走來參賽者的水準越來越高, 比賽之外更加上了各式各樣的配菜, 像是專業 ballroom dancer 的表演, 宣傳期歌手獻唱, 觀眾感想剪輯… 等. 熱鬧轟動的 DWTS 第三季在昨天正式落幕, 在期待下一季的開始之餘, 我也很高興一周中又空出兩個半小時的時間了!!

Gilmore Girls: 第七季. 我是從大學就開始看的死忠觀眾, 即使沒有特別令人驚喜的劇情, 但 GG 對我來說已經像家人一般, 怎麼可能不繼續看下去呢. (不過本季我都還沒有直接看過, 都是用錄的 Q_Q)

House, M.D.: 第三季. 在第三季開始前兩周把前兩季囫圇吞棗的拼完. 因為時段衝到 DWTS 跟 GG (很高興它後來換到九點了) 加上 Fox 時不時播棒球, 所以也是有一搭沒一搭的在看. House 還是一樣迷人, 看到 Viewer’s discretion advised 出現還會覺得興奮, 但有點想等它出 DVD 後再看. 反正他一定會出 DVD 的.

Boston Legal: 第三季. 有不令人討厭的新角色出現, 但第二季讓人心動不已的 Alan Shore 跟 Denny Crane 的魅力卻不復以往. 因為有的沒的選舉節目頒獎典禮新show首映, 要直到十一月底才會播下一集. 希望它能振作起來.

Wed:
本來星期三一點電視也沒有的, DWTS result show 本是可看可不看. 本來在觀察的 Justice 看了兩集就沒興趣看下去了. 然而昨天 ABC 與 NBC 一口氣 premiere 了兩齣戲.

Day Break: 大約從一個月前就開始打廣告的新戲. 我只能說他的廣告策略成功地挑起了我的好奇心. “What if you have to live the worst day of your life over and over again.” 看了一些預告, 總覺得這拿來拍點影應該很不錯, 雖然聽起來有點老套 (算是血腥版的 Groundhog Day 吧!), 很好奇這樣的題材要如何架構出一整季的故事. 看了 series premiere 之後, 覺得還蠻有趣的, 希望他能好好地控制, 懂得見好就收的道理, 欠千萬不要拖係啊

Medium: 昨天第三季 premiere, 還沒看 ^^” 不過我相信應該很好看!

Thursday
Grey’s Anatomy: 肥皂泡泡滿天飛的 Grey’s Anatomy, 如今邁入第三季, 仍然看得津津也味

Shark: 法律新戲, 人情技巧並重, 好看!

Sunday
Desperate Housewives: 在第二季便顯彈性疲乏, 第三季已經沒在看了, 不過第七集真的非常好看!

*但是我不懂… 明明之前就已經砍到剩下七個節目了, 為什麼減了兩個半小時 (DWTS + result show) 還是有九個節目啊… orz 我不懂呀~~~~

Streusel Topping
1 cup Original Bisquick® mix
1/2 cup chopped nuts
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
3 tablespoons firm butter or margarine
Filling
6 cups thinly sliced peeled tart apples (4 to 6 medium)
1 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup Original Bisquick® mix
3/4 cup milk
2 tablespoons butter or margarine, softened
1 1/4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 eggs

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease 13×9-inch (3-quart) glass baking dish with shortening or cooking spray. In small bowl, mix 1 cup Bisquick mix, the nuts and brown sugar. Cut in 3 tablespoons firm butter with fork or pastry blender until mixture is crumbly; set aside.
2. Spread apples in baking dish. In medium bowl, stir remaining filling ingredients until blended. Pour over apples. Sprinkle with topping.
3. Bake about 55 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean; cool slightly, about 30 minutes. Serve warm if desired with ice cream.
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): Heat oven to 375°F. Use 5 cups thinly sliced apples. Decrease 3/4 cup Bisquick mix in filling to 1/2 cup.