I am Your Sunshine

Well, that’s women’s right.

I love that commercial (slogan?) so so much!

Yesterday I had a most (okay, i’m exaggerating) horrible dinner/dessert. At the end no one talked and there was this awkwardness in the air… (I’m never going to have food with them alone again! It must have made me aged.)

During the silence, I strated to ponder if their relationship is like my relationship with them (mo and cn). We know each other very well adn we’re so used to make fun of him. But the biggest differences is that we won’t make people outside of our bound uncomfortable like what they did yesterday…

Anyway, it’s nice to be able to have an idea of how it looks from the outside.

It’s a so-so movie. I don’t get why Yahoo! Users rate it A- (I give it B) and gave Equilibrium B (I rate it A). Well, my taste is definitely weird. Or is it becuz I didn’t pay enough attention to the movie? Then I apologize. Christian Bale didn’t look very good in Batman Begins. He’s not the handsome type I know, but in Equilibrium he sure stole my heart (*shy*). In Batman Begins, I noticed the resemblance between Christian and Tom. Christian is of course not as 10% handsome as Tom but they do share similar eyes and certain facial expression. Anyway, pretty boy is not the point (or is it?) Oh I almost forgot, Dr. Jonathan Crane (played by Cillian Murphy) is also worth noted. He has a scpecial charm. At first, I considered him sissy, but then I gradually became mezmerized by him. He’s got a mysterious, entrancing and alluring characteristic, and his lips look… tasty. Another character is the good cop Jim Gordon played by our old friend DALALALA—– Gary Oldman!!! (*applaud*). I thought he looked familiar and he turned out to be one of my fav actor. (Can’t blame for not recognizing him in the first place. I’ve never seen him with such huge amount of beard.) But in fact, his character is quite dull in this movie. He’s capable of a lot more than this.

As for the movie itself, I still dont get why it can score A- while Sin City only has B+. Sin City is so awesome.

is bad for your health

You hold yourself so hard that it nearly breaks you. And yes you’re still afraid. You’re a chickenshit alright. And then you suddenly and slightly realized how much courage it took and how precious it was and is. You know you’re torturing him and what you didn’t notice is that you’re giving away something uncommon. You know the risks that you wouldn’t take. You know your imagination is the only place that the fantasies stay. But so many are punching you in the heart. Alluring you, whispering in your ears and your heart just can’t help but reaching ecstasy and fall. The fall will crash your bones along with your soul. You know it’s that powerful, why cant you just get up and leave. You know you’re one feet out of the skyscraper. Step inside while you still have one on the floor.

oh man i do miss this feeling… (do i?)

ever since J… no, ever since E…. no, it’s L…
I haven’t had that feeling for a long time (well, seems not very convicing though *blushed*)

but anyway, i actually hate this feeling
it leads to all kinds of weirder kinda emotions and physical uncomfy
and then I’ll be drown in desperation

it’s just like a neverending loop once it’s started

You know that something is destined to be kept in secret.
You know that even the one takes the whole of you have a limit for moral tolerance.
You know it well, don’t you?
You’re the one who took steps back when you started to disapprove her.

But strangely, she’s the one turn you and confess, and you’re surprised by the great tolerance generated by the true love. You can’t help but think if it’s really like what you’ve believed. Perhaps, you’re allowed to be totally candid without receiving condemnation , but then again, there’s still something not even of worth. And there’s a fine line between serious stuff and nonsence. You’re full of crap you know it honey.

– Yes, Dear!

If you make yourself a tramp to get him, one day he will leave you for another one.

(Even if he wouldn’t, you’ll always live under the fear that he will some day.)

I had a great day my dear

My hormone is messing with me… or am I getting there?
I didn’t think of this possibility at first cuz I’ve been self-diagnosing every now and then and I seem fine.
But recently the level of anxiety has risen quite a bit, and i feel as if I’m floating few inches above the ground all the time. Life seems pruposeless, and deep (or not that deep) inside of me refuses to get closer with God. But then, my emotion is actually kinda easy to be manipulated (by myself). If I think the situation is supposed to bring me down, I’ll become depressed bit by bit, even if the situation doesn’t really affect me. If I “think” I “should” fall for the guy, I’ll grow more and more affection towards him, even if he doesn’t attract me in the first place. I’m such a weirdo.

你是否有以下症狀，並且持續超過2周？
（症狀取材自美國精神醫學會出版的《精神疾病的診斷及統計手冊》第三版修訂版。）
如果你出現下列問題的症狀很多就有抑鬱症的傾向。如果很少則屬於生活中正常的情緒波動。
　　1．你是否覺得情緒低落和沮喪，對未來的生活失去信心？
　　2．你是否覺得沒有胃口（或大吃大喝）？
　　3．你是否有睡眠問題，或比平常早醒幾個小時？
　　4．你是否無緣無故地緊張或抑鬱？
　　5．平常使你快樂的事（如嗜好、工作或飼養寵物）是否變得再也沒有吸引力？
　　6．你是否覺得周圍的人很煩？愛發脾氣或對你的親友漠不關心？
　　7．你是否對性生活變得不感興趣？
　　8．你是否覺得疲倦、嗜睡，沒有情緒做任何事？
　　9．你是否覺得自己的食物或缺點是一種失敗和有罪惡感？
　　10．你是否覺得很難清楚地思考、集中精神，或作出決定？
　　11．你是否過分擔心輕微的不適或疼痛？
　　12．你是否常想到死或有自殺的念頭？凡對這個問題回答”是”的人，都應該儘快尋求專家的協助。
　　如果你出現了下列問題請尋求專家的協助：
　　1．你曾考慮自殺
　　2．覺得日子越來越難過
　　3．不認為事情會隨著時間的過去而好轉
　　4．你得借酒消愁或吃藥才會使自己感覺好些。
但這樣做對病情沒有任何好處，它只是暫時掩蓋了問題和你的痛苦。

Ich bin in dich verknallt noch nicht, aber ich bin fröhlich, wann ich dich sehe.
Einige Wochen lang, etliche Menschen, etliche Affekt im meinem Herz
Alas, es ist allzu schwer

國殤

操吳戈兮被犀甲，車錯轂兮短兵接。旌蔽日兮敵若雲，矢交墜兮士爭先。
凌余陣兮躐余行，左驂殪兮右刃傷。霾兩輪兮縶四馬，援玉枹兮擊鳴鼓。
天時墜兮威靈怒，嚴殺盡兮棄原野。出不入兮往不反，平原忽兮路超遠。
帶長劍兮挾秦弓，首身離兮心不懲。誠既勇兮又以武，終剛強兮不可凌。
身既死兮神以靈，子魂魄兮為鬼雄。

My pleasure!
You’re welcome!
Dont mention it!

Desipte the weird designed panel (well, I dont like digital panels) and distrust with the computer system AND the possiblity of malfunctionnig when driving on a highway ~_~ , Prius 2005 is really a doll! Saw one today, it’s elegant, smooth, and quiet. Can I just get a shape of it and put Camry engine inside?

自從上次用 Eliza 在 Boston Market 點菜被服務生念錯之後, 今天是我第二次用假名點東西.
(btw, 加州的 Boston Market 沒 Buffalo 好吃. 是因為離 Boston 太遠的關係嗎?)
今天去 Jumba Juice, 已經想好這次我要叫 Carol 了,
當她問我名字的時候我還是差點脫口而出 Ashley…
然後明明我一直提醒自己等下叫到 Carol 時要去拿, 結果聽到 Carol 時還是嚇了一跳.

玩假名的念頭生於有一次去吃飯, 因為要等所以 Chun 留名字, 結果她留 Jen
我覺得很有趣, 問她 “妳的 Alias 啊?”
她說是. 因為美國人笨笨的不會念 Chun, 叫 Jen 省得大家麻煩
我從小到大就很愛取名字, 英文名字正式非正式的也有好幾個,
可惜不小心 Ashley 被叫定下來了
不然我現在肯定換了! 國中時我哪知道 Ashley 竟是菜市場名啊…
還好一個 ABC 的小朋友(其實也不小啦 都大學畢業了)跟我說
很少見到亞裔女生是這個名字的, 稍微安慰了我一下.
不然其實我這幾年好愛 Eliza !

My car is driving me nuts. Not the one above. That’s Toyota Prius. My new dream car after realizing that Ford Focus is afterall an impractical dream. Mine is actually 2000 Toyota Camry. Was a babe to me and was considered best car in Buf once, but ever since I’ve driven my aunt’s 10-year-old Lexus, I began to dislike him. Now that it’s starting to cause troubles for me; my mind has set to sell.

As I said before, Ford Focus is/was the car of my dream. I fell in love with him at the first sight on a street of Taipei. But being practical, I got a pre-owned low-milage good-conditioned crancky-coloured Camry instead. I actually thought about replacing my Camry with a sweet black ZX5/ZX3 Focus, but then black is not for California and American cars are notoriously unreliable (though my family is a big fan of Ford. We/they like European cars, but it costs too much to get and maintain. So we/they just simply skip Japanese car and turn to Ford. I guess it’s becuz we have such good relationship and wonderful experience with Ford.) Still, I will buy a Japanese car among all that exist, and this time, I’m gonna buy a real babe I adore. And I’m thinking about Prius.

Pruis spec

Most of my friends are for selling it, my mom is the only one who against. On my way to the dealer’s, I pondered, what if it started to cost me the price more than its worth… then it’s totally unworthy of keeping it. Is it really a good idea to keep it? When SG heard that I got my car to the dealer for inspection and is supposed to have real problems, he said “sell it!” Even before I mentioned the thought. I guess the reason why mom’s against the idea of selling a still-be-able-to-function car is becuz that’s the way she does. See, our 13 or 15 year-old Festiva has just retired from its duty. It’s in fact going to fall apart any time! Anyway, I think it’s a good idea to sell it before it cause too much trouble. And I think I can sell it easily. Afterall, it’s a only 5 year old Camry with very very low milage. Had a minor (stupid) collision and the front and side are factory brand new! How can’t I get a good price for this babe.

This is fun! Though I can’t sing :~
dont know why, my voice has become more and more terrible :~
it must be the alcohol! made my thraot sticky…
anyway, we’ll have it again this wed. thinking about staying there for the night so that i can drink as much as i like.
(and thinking about buying a bottle of Finlandia or gray goose or belvedere. it’d be awesome!) ps. beer is no alcohol! it’s only bitter liquid. (but becker does smell sweet! coronoa sucks as i remembered)

因為最近借了 couplnig 來看, 而 Coupling 的片頭片尾曲是 Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
那首歌 Cake 也唱過, 我超愛的, 於是今田又把 cake 拿出來聽了.
還真是百聽不膩耶.

應該要會把他們的 CD 收全吧…

Something happened unexpectedly last night. It was a nice surprise really, and while talking I can’t help but thinking of M, and thinking of how chr said I remaining the same all along. If he’s the prototype, A is like a image, and M is an unblemished, everlasting fantasy.

As I was driving to church this morning. The movie High Fidelity came across my mind. Then I think I’m in the position of Allison’s in a somewhat twisted way. Well, I know it’s quite different. I bet he’s not on the way of searching himself and I was only a mean, a necessary path to review the past. But that’s actually what I always wanna do but haven’t got the guts to. So I do admire the courage, if it required any in his case. There’s another past, another period of time, which I tried to cover. For years I refused to mention, or even just to think about it. But then I overcome the feeling of humiliation (oh, yeah, humiliation again. One of my biggest problem is too self-conscious), I still lack the courage to confront, or put it mildly, to pick up from where we left. To sort things out. Many puzzles remain unsolved cuz I left in a hurry. I literally ran away. Yep, hiding is one of my specialty, my area of strength. Now, I don’t know whether he’d feel annoyed if I approach and say, “Hey, let’s talk about the mess.” One thing that stop me is that I dont wanna disturb his life. He’s now with the person he’s supposed to be with ALL ALONG! The other reason is I don’t really have a noble motivation. don’t really care how he’s doing right now. The reason why I wanna catch up with him is becuz it’s always been a knot in my heart and I wanna get rid of it. Like what Rob did. I’m reluctant is because it’s not justified. To really think of my life, there are actually many things I wasn’t able to do it right at the very moment, and later I tried to make amend but then people have already moved on. How can I pull them back and do what i have to do and then say “Okay you can go now.” I can’t do that. Because I dont know people. I don’t know their state of mind. What if I end up ruin their normal peaceful life. There’s a reason why people said, ” The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Heaven knows how I long to talk to him again. Just to sort things out cuz it was really a huge, flaky mess. But I dare not to mess with his life again, and I’m afraid of the chance of getting hurt again. Heaven knows how I long to know why he’d confess to me out of the blue. The reason I didn’t ask is because I dont wanna make him even more uncomfy, but now it’s even harder to probe.
Anyway, I think it’s a bit easier to do if we’re not friend anymore. Now since we’re still friends, cuz we agreed to act as if nothing has ever happened and it did work amazingly fine, it’s even harder to take the chance breaking the balance…

i’m talking nonsense. Gotta get lunch now.

I’m on a never-ending journey of looking for a perfect online radio station.
I’m capricious. My fondness towards a station tends to change wuite frequently. Few month ago, I can’t get enough of the Lesezeit of MDR.de. Now I rarely listen to that station.

let me list some of the stations i’ve been listening to:
Virgin Radiomy new fav. great source for Britannia
Iceberg (Canada) the one I’m listening now. Got all genre of music
Energy
MDR-Figaro