I am Your Sunshine

it’s relatively quiet tonight. you ran the usual errands, watched TV, even chatted a bit with your ex on your way home. still, something’s different, you could smell it. it’s as if the whole world is gone while the world is right beside you talking and all that. you saw that lady cross the road, thinking when’s this stupid rain gonna stop. you made yourself a cup of tea and tried very hard to figure out what you have missed. you must have missed something. or something has missed you. either way. you feel extra lonely tonight. where are all the people? (except the countless ones that walked by you.) you must have been placed to an alternate reality when you were in the steam room, the split second you fell asleep. you knew it.

and you remembered them talking, to each other and to you. speaking as if she’s fallen for you and she’s acting all shy while you and all other people have considered them a couple long ago. you can’t help but wonder if they’re really “just good friends” as they proclaimed. you felt a bit over the cloud but at the same time afraid that you’d be the sacrifice for their intention of keeping the “relationship” low profile… like the poor Harriet Smith, and they acted as if they despised each other! how detestable. so you told yourself to do this and that, but still you found your obsession towards her is growing outrageously. you knew you’ve lost another front. how many more? you cried.

lovely
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3 Things You Learned This Weekend, 是在 CaughtOffSide 的一個每周話題, 他們要求讀者上來留言發表對於過去一周的英超賽程的心得. 畢竟, 要把一輪比賽全部看完是不可能的, 所以就來看看其他人學到了什麼, 快速吸收英超第 27 輪的精華!

本周的第一個 comment 是
1. Spurs are no longer shit, they’re funny.
我不解, Spurs 這周怎麼了? 上周輸給 Man Utd 我想是大家意料之中的事, 雖然還是有些人(Chelsea fans?)天真地對 Spurs 抱著一點發生奇蹟的希望. 我把頁面往上捲一點, 答案就在眼前
Sheff Utd 2-1 Tottenham
這不是人人喊打的謝聯嗎… 冏

其他… 就沒什麼好玩的了.

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Love love love this song.

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(我就知道在美國手裡拿著 Football 什麼什麼的, 別人就會很興奮地問我 “你也看football 啊!?” 此足球非彼足球…)

昨天買了 World Soccer 出的 Football 2007 (在 Border’s 把這期 World Soccer 翻完, 封面是 C. Ronaldo, 所以是絕對不可能買的 XD) 因為封面是 Mourihno. 裡面關於 Chelsea 的篇幅大概佔了 1/3 以上, 包括 How to Stop Chelsea: a simple 5-point plan to beat the Blues (XD) 於是花了 USD$8.00 + tax 就快快樂樂地將它帶回家了.

等我有力氣再把有趣的內容貼上來.

爽.

雖然說這場我幾乎算是沒看到, 七點有起來, 開了電視之後就倒在床上, 完全沒法看, 但是聽到很激動的歡呼聲時有勉強爬起來一下, 進球的好處就是會重播數次. 要把比賽抓來好好看一次! 大啖米堡呢!

另外, 昨晚在要離開 v-bar 之前, 在 H 經過我身邊時, 我還是挑釁地喊了一句 Go Chelsea (即使我們前幾周才輸給利記 orz), 想當然爾地他就嗆回來說上一場他們可是贏了, 我也不甘勢弱地表示我們可是排名第二呢! (然後我把 Arsenal 還有Liverpool 的排名記反了, 所以還說了什麼你們先把 Arsenal 搞定再說吧之類的話 XD) 我們同意明天二十七輪的比賽就等著瞧吧! 結果剛剛看到各隊比賽結果, Newcastle 2:1 Liverpool. 哇哈哈哈哈哈哈哈… 新堡幹得好!

本來要查什麼的, 結果看到 Google homepage 就想說好吧來 customize 一下, 看看有沒有什麼好用的. 以前試過 Yahoo 的, 但非常難用, 也用過 google calendar 想要整理我的事務, 都不如自己寫個 note 來得順手.

最後的成品不怎麼漂亮, 但至少可能還蠻好用的. 放了 dictionary.com, wikipedia 以及 youtube 的 search box, 中間放 to do list 以及 BBC Sports – Football – Premiership, BBC Sports – Football – World 還有 uefa.com 這幾個新聞站, 只可惜不能客制到只挑出有 Chelsea 等關鍵字的新聞. 右邊則是我的 gmail 跟月曆. 沒有放太多東西, 如果太多的話, 我大概連一眼都不會看 XD

沒有, 我並沒有再看一次.

只是剛剛又看到有人對這片讚不絕口, 還一連兩篇, 我認真地看了, 認真地想回憶感受, 卻發現自己仍不認同. 我忍不住想跳出來大聲地說, 它明明一切都很刻意啊!! 也許是預告看太多次, 也許是我期望太高, 這部電影完全沒感動到我. 我真不知道是我壞掉了還是它有問題. Okay, 一定是我壞掉了吧, 不然怎麼那麼多人感動地痛哭流涕我卻無動於衷呢? 但要知道, 我一向對這種真實故事改編的勵志電影沒輒, chun 最清楚, 結果我卻從頭到尾都只是冷眼旁觀像在看一篇枯燥到不行的政經消息. 喔喔, 別急著說我冷血沒心肺, 我向來是你在電影會看到的那種變態殺手, 冷酷無情地殺人之餘還是會為了感人的故事哭得一把鼻涕一把眼淚, TPOH just simply didn’t touch me.

是的, 當他發現他所有的財產只剩幾十塊美金時我也覺得很恐怖, 我完全無法想像自己陷入跟他同樣的情境; 是的, 他在 Bart 廁所裡的那壓抑卻還是迸出的兩行淚那樣真情那樣走頭無路的絕望; 是的, 他回答 “he must have some really good pants.” 實在妙絕. 但全片讓我昏昏欲睡, 只有他 OS 提到 Thomas Jefferson 寫的獨立宣言那段讓我動容. 他說為什麼 幸福不是天賦予人的權利, 天只賦予人”追求幸福”的權利, 因此, 永遠得不到幸福是有可能的. 這認知怎能不讓你心驚呢?

然而一切一切一切應該很讓人感動的元素拼湊起來卻仍讓人覺得零散, 每個環節如此精準而鑿刻深, 你知道你什麼時候該哭, 你知道你什麼時候該笑, 一切都暗示的很清楚了. 但我就是哭不出來, 說我不受教吧. 真是一點辦法也沒有.

How can you not like her.

If I say I fell in love with her the first time I heard Put Your Records, I’d be exaggerating. However, she does have this magical power to calm your nerves, like a cool breeze in the hot summer night, ease your pain and put you into sleep. Put Your Records reminded me of a song I liked quite much back in college days. It’s a Manderin song though.

Lately, the past few months, I’m drawn to this kind of soft, healing, relaxing female vocalists. Of course I’m still listening to loads of puck rock, alternative and whatnot, but sometimes I’d like to drown myself in their sweet and comforting voice. So I listened to a lot of Diana Krall, Katie Melua, and my recent fav, Keren Ann. (I can never stand Norah Jones though.) I’ve always loved female vocal. Sheryl Crow, Deana Carter, Shawn Colvin, Debbie Gibson, Lisa Loeb… but mostly I like them powerful, and the likes of Keren Ann were sort of a new territory for me.

This evening while I’m browsing through Selina’s blog roll, I came across a site which is playing Corinne Bailey Rae’s Trouble Sleeping. I instanatly recognized her voice. (However, I couldn’t find out which site it is cos I opened several site at the same time, and some of them are really ill designed, so I couldn’t locate the player. I hate people do autoplay on their site. It’s arrogant and inconsiderate. Anyways… ) It’s a beautiful song (just that I had to turned off Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde that I was listening to, or it’d be really weird.) and I think I’m gonna buy her CD. It’d be nice to add to my female vocalist collection.

The song was written by Mordern English, there were many other people/bands covered this lovely song in different style, such as Bowling for Soup, Jason Marz, Save the Day, Mest, and so on and so forth.

I love Sugarcult’s version the best, but unfortunately I cannot find their vid on YouTube. So here’s Modern English… enjoy the authentic 80s a bit. ;)

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至少我已經符合作家的一個條件 – 喝酒… orz

seems to hurt my knee during step aerobic class (Chelsea fate?), no pain, but feels weird. It feels as if it’s slightly misplaced, and I don’t know how to fix it.

and as i’m working out regularly now, I wanna have a better gear… I want a Chelsea shoebag!!! (there was a really neat gym bag as well, but it’s replaced by Adidas’ silly bag. I should’ve bought it…)

too many money issues to take care of. i’m so bad at finance. it’s totally a mess.

too many activities. not that I’m complaining. but i tend to forget one when i’m thinking about attending another and later find out they fall into the same time slot. alas. schedule is pack til the end of March; however, i have little idea what are those. need to organize… (it’s just too overwhelming. i wanna take everything slow and nice, but on the other hand i’m giving myself way too much to deal with at the same time. i’m killing myself… XD)

Gilmore Girls this week (just watched it yesterday.) I just wanna mentioned one thing so I’m not gonna make an article out of it. Emily was blabbering in the hospital, saying she’s gonna cancel her book club meeting the next Thursday, and she went on complaining about one of her friend proposed to read Cormac McCarthy, which is the writer of Blood Meridian and so on, which I intend to read, some day. Talked about Gilmore Girls, I’m still rooting for Lorelai and Luke (yeah, people of the same initial should stick together XD) however, please don’t make it too lame.

這週國家友誼賽之前, 我們的傷兵名單有: JT (背傷), Boularouz (knee ligament), Joe Cole (腿骨折, 遙遙無期), Robben (也是無聲無息地傷了), Bridge (膝傷, 但是好了), A. Cole (恐怖的膝傷)

在友誼賽之前, Bridge 復出一場後又傷了. 冏

友誼賽後, Ballack 傷了, Essien 也傷了.

….

我們只剩 Carvalho(傷初癒), Cech(傷出癒), Drogba, LP, Sheva, 無用小賴特!!! 浪費機會小賴特!!!, 喔, 還有費拉拉跟格雷米, (太久沒看見他們都忘了.) 以及一些年輕小將 Diarra, Mikel, Kalou.

見 wei7517 的含淚惡搞圖: Chelsea Task Manager

今天LP的照片都怪怪的…
這周(間)沒有聯賽看, 看看國際友誼賽來過乾癮.

[updated] 那天應該看 Croatia v Norway 的, 原來 N. Kovac, Simic, Srna (他好像被主教練踢出去了? @@) 都還在, 只有 Prso 退休了. 我超喜歡 N. Kovac 啊! 接下來要等到 3/24 才有比賽了. (同日還有 England v Israel, Chelsea v Watford, 後者應該會延期吧…)

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It’s a circle, but not a vicious one; at least not now, not yet. It’s a circle formed by 6 degree, which may probably not even really a circle, cos you won’t really know unless you set your mind on chasing it down, but sometimes people deny, and even worse, people change. He’s obsessed with you, and you’re obsessed with him, and he is obsessed with another girl who he doesn’t even really know. Turn on stalker mode, find every possible pieces of information; hold on to the phone that will never ring; stare at the blank message window that you open an hour ago but still cannot manage the type a word. The means of your obsession is not really the point, but the universal hope that one day, one day, the object of your affection will turn and join you in the loop that consist only the two of you. So you keep obsessing, for you don’t have anything better to do. Oh wait, you do have something, but the blankness of your mind stop you from productive labor and all you want is to google more, to hold tightly onto the phone, to stare at the screen even harder and who knows, heaven might grant you a miracle, right?

As I was getting tired of House (just a little bit) this season (for some reason, season 3 is not as exciting/enchanting/thrilling/funny as it was before), this episode successfully won my heart back.

I love that House had this chance to open up a bit. Through a rape victim (someone mentioned that victim should be only referred to those who are alreadt dead, but I don’t remember the other word for crime sufferers), he revealed something he kept for himself for a very long time and I look forward to more of his self-discovering.

Sometimes it is easier to spill our heart with total strangers, even if they know our name, they know what we do… still, you got a sense of anonymity. It’s not so much as you trust them, but you just simply care less about how they may think of you… for they matter little to you.

Now that I look back, among those sub-genre I love, sci-fi, mystery… there’s one thing that they all have in common, which is the essential part that facsincates me – humanity. I guess that’s why Babylon5 is so dear to me and I only read hard-boiled detective and rarely classic mystery. Human interaction, self-reflection and whatnot to me is like smell, scent to Grenouille. Grenouille has a morbid thirst for smells because he’s born without it. Does that imply…?

因為各個或大或小的事務堆積而成輕微恐慌,
你呆坐, 假裝在做些什麼, 不願面對現實, 即將來臨的天際線那第一道光.
你反覆聽著 Je suis un balancier, 好像這麼一直聽下去你就可以融進歌裡,
即使那個世界也充滿不確定, 無妨, 你只想離開這裡.
Je ne sais plus tres bien
I don’t care anyway.

你不知道你在這裡做什麼, 陌生的語言反倒給你親切感.
也許等同在不相干人群中的安心, 遠比被困在一個房間的點頭之交那樣的緊繃要來得舒爽精神.
忽然, 你關掉音樂.
麻痺麻痺無法再麻痺你, 你勇敢迎接滿室寧靜.
你沒有起身, 做了個無聲的宣告.

那夜你心裡混亂, 就這麼睡去也好. 你寧願不醒來.
日子繼續過下去是有令人振奮的事發生, 不過下去也不見得會很遺憾.
忽然之間, (其實不是那麼天外飛來一筆的, 你如此感覺已久)
你不明白生命的意義,
忽然之間, 你發現自己還沒完全, 更令你驚訝的是你是何時停止了向上成長的動力
竟如此遲的發現, 是否太遲了?

你仍舊睡去, 接受明天, 在夢中你又來到那山谷溪邊, 那總令你緊張的地方.

under the sun light, in the reflection of the reception door, I saw a ray of plum.

I’m content.

單純美好的幸福, 有時簡單到讓人忘了其存在的可能. 而那些自我滿足的幻想, you cannot be any more self-absorb, 再風馬牛不相及的事物也有辦法在那不是高度開發的腦袋中牽強連結, 構成一幅自得其樂的… 單純美好的幸福.

slow, but at least I AM reviving.

I think I’ll be good to go (to the class) by 5:30
yay~

好像快好了. 真是謝天謝地.

偏頭痛蓄勢待發的感覺跟偏頭痛本身一樣令人難受不安, 僵硬痠痛的頸肩腰被腿, 讓我中午就想衝到 Club Sport 去泡 jacuzzi 卻又怕自己暈死在池中 (昨天才聽 Jennifer 說她的浴室昏倒記), 雖然我懷疑血液裡還有酒精殘留. 運動及換洗的衣服都帶好了, 仍在考慮是否下班就回家休息比較明智, 然而我不想要缺掉任何一堂 step 的課, Catherine 實在是太可愛了. 晚上還要看 Heroes 與 Studio 60 呢! 太多事要做了, 都得打起精神一股作氣, 會不會有點太辛苦了呢?

往公司的路上, 每一個電台都嫌太吵, 真正是 “you don’t have compassion on my poor nerves.” 胃小不適, 腦中也有空間失衡的感覺. 早上我趕緊泡杯濃濃的奶茶配麵包, 沒有很大幫助, 時不時輕微暈眩. 我想, 我幹嘛把自己弄成這樣. 一方面是賭氣, 一方面是理智失調因此判斷有差錯, 想的不夠周全 (完全沒想到我也會有”吊 過去”這回事.) 看來以後要想好完整的一套準則, 不能當下做判斷做決定. 總之, 我再也不一次喝三個 shot 的 ciroc 了! 某人, 都是你害的!! (一定要牽拖一下就是了.)

希望下午可以恢復更多.